Storage Area Done

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When we cleaned out the old house, there were 130+ boxes of my life that needed to be stored.  They got moved to a local storage area and I started working through the boxes.  It took 8 weeks of obsessive work to get this down to 45 or so boxes I am going to keep. The jewish books go to the local Chabad Lubavitch, the astronomy and astrophysics books go to the Joshua Tree astronomy league and the books I am not keeping go to the Little Library in Van Nuys, curated by Jill Fraser.  Some photographic gear will go to Tom Barron.  The rest, those 45 boxes, stay with me in my little apartment.  God only knows what will happen if I have to move.

 

Notable Items Rescued From the Storage Area

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After decades of procrastination, I dedicated myself to cleaning out the 150 boxes of books, papers, esoteric computer equipment and reducing them to a lean and mean 40-50 boxes.  This task, similar to the cleaning out of the stables of King Augeas by Hercules, reclaimed some notable mementos of my former and wasted life.  

 

 

1. An uncashed check from Robert Abel & Associates.

 

 

2. Ticket stubs from my train trip to Washington DC to protest the right wing coup d'etat by the Supreme Court to install their stooge Bush over the rightful winner, Al Gore.

 

 

 

3. Apple Mac Powerbook Duo

 

4. Carter/Mondale 1976 

 

5. deGraf/Wahrman card from my cabin on Lookout Mountain

 

6. Ken Kahn's PhD thesis from the MIT AI Lab.

 

Incident in Westlake Village

So I am on my back, breathing nitrous oxide, while the dentist uses a hammer and chisel on my teeth, unable to talk, barely even mumble, and the assistants are discussing Halloween movies, and in particular Nightmare Before Christmas. I try to talk but the dentist / torturer tells me to lie still or I will regret it, and when it is over and I can almost talk although its more of a mumble I try to tell them that friends of mine worked on the movie, and that I consider the opening to be among the best openings of any film, animated or live, and how proud I was of them. And one of the assistants says that she was born the month the movie came out and I thought to myself, what should it be, pistols at dawn, or should I just commit ritual suicide right here. Pardon me, but could I borrow that very sharp knife? Thank you. Goodbye cruel world!

Dreams and Visions

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I had three dreams last night, each with friends who have passed away.

Today my Instacart delivery person was MacKensie, maybe 24, with tight leopard shorts.

I am off medication until tomorrow.

Picture from Benton Jew

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Many years ago, Benton Jew and Josh Pines came to town and I guess we all went to Griffith Park Observatory.  

Michael and the Saxophone of St. Timothy

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I know you will find the following story hard to believe but I swear every word of it is true. I am of course oversimplifying since what had occurred is not spelled out well in our sources but I am loathe to elaborate freely. Many decades ago, a young boy tried to learn three musical instruments and failed at all three. The first was a cheap recorder which he had bought at a gift shop and which made plausible pleasant noises but nothing coherent. The second was his brothers 1959 Fender Stratocaster with which he could make chord changes and even some version of the rhythm accompaniment of some songs but it mutilated his fingers and he stopped. But the third was the most frustrating and confusing. It was his brother's clarinet and all he could ever do was to have it make horrible squeaking noises. The young boy was crushed and knew he was a complete failure and withdrew from society and lived in total isolation in the horrible wilderness in N San Diego County. But one day, many decades later, he took a very rare trip to the north and staying at the house of his friend Tom, a house filled with music, he happened to mention to his friend that he could never figure out how to play a reed instrument. One of the sons of the family overheard him and being a trained musician and filled with the spirit of hospitality, undertook, on his own initiative and at his own expense, to show the visitor whom he had never before met or even heard of, how to play a reed instrument, an antique saxophone. To the hermit's astonishment he was able to, with the instruction of his friend's son, immediately make plausible if unrefined saxophone sounds. This so amazed him that his depression and sense of failure dropped visibly from his shoulders like some great winter coat and he was inspired to go out into the world and help many of the poor and downtrodden. His name was Michael and as you may have guessed this is the origin of our famous story that every child knows, "Michael and the Saxophone of St. Timothy". I swear every word of this is true, so help me God.

Notes to Tom and Ken Re: Letters of Reccomendation

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I am writing up notes in the next few days that may be a decent guide to those who would write a letter of recommendation for the incredibly worthy but underrecognized Mr. Wahrman. I will try to keep it simple. You should know that I have agonized over this for several years, because it annoys me to lean on my friends, all of whom are busy.

Two preliminary notes: 1. I am only going to apply to a few schools to begin with. One CS PhD program (impossible to get into) and one Art MFA program (merely difficult to get into). This is because I want to ease the workload on the two of you and because I dont have a clue what I am doing. 2. I have not yet asked my third reviewer, because I dont know who to ask. Two possibilities are (a) a professor of urban studies who has known me a long time and (b) a person who is one of the more famous entrepreneurs in online learning, but without specific academic credentials (although she has taught at famous art school(s) in the past). If you have an opinion, let me know.

Thank you,
MW

Email to Carl about Mushrooms, Medication, Pies

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I recognize that you have some sort of mushroom expert on hand, but I am still nervous about this. There are many examples in history where some mushroom toxin has been used in assassination, are you sure there is no one who wants you dead? Maybe you could use a food tester? The deaths by mushroom (mycocide?) are all very ugly and painful. I am unable it seems to cook a pie that results in a perfect crust that does not also undercook, slightly the filling. Too much filling? Needs to be precooked? You need to be careful around me regarding the availability of so called easily available drugs/medications. I have been victimized for the last 20 years on this subject, I lied, 30 years, and all sense of humor has been beaten out of me. Show me the beef. If its easy to get, then get some, and I will be forever grateful. Yes, I know, the dark net. Maybe I will be driven to try that and pretend it was for journalistic purposes. Its too bad our country has failed and we live in a right wing dictatorship. Its too bad I totally failed at my life. Maybe I will do a few more pictures and write a short story or two before I fall over dead. BTW, the short story next up involves spores and its working title is "slaves of the hive queen". Nice, dont you think? Will you visit me in jail?

Helped A Homeless Person (maybe) Destroyed Two Relationships (maybe)

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I may have helped a homeless person today.  Maybe.  It was so clear that her current dilemma / nightmare was something she had caused.  She was totally able to get that and I think it makes things worse.   I think she will face a week of very challenging adversity and then be OK.  She needs an address to get her disability card, then get an ID and then find a place to live with her disability.  Its all doable, but its all challenging when you are homeless.

But this can be hard to do even when you are not homeless.  

And two other friends may have disavowed me.  This always makes me sad.  What is funny sad is that a friend thinks that I am all rage, and he cant take that.  I try to explain to him that rage and anger is my personality (along with a few other emotions) and he should just adjust to it, but he hates me for saying this because he thinks I dont acknowledge his feelings.  

What surprises me, and which I dont know how to process, is that this is something new?  Weird.  I have been like this for two decades.

There is also some interesting, insulting material about my medical issues, but its not something that can be discussed here.  I am such an idiot sometimes.

In Response To Comments From A Wonderful Friend

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What a nice person you are to care.
Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole.
Listening to the sound track of Repo Man.
And somehow it seemed appropriate.
I am not likely to suddenly become a nice guy.
I appreciate your words, your experience and your help.
But I advise you to limit your expectations.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but the lightbulb has to sincerely want to change.

In Response to a Post by Mary Lou Jepson

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Mary Lou Jepson asked if there was something you could tell your younger self that might change your degree choice or your path, what would it be.

So I said:

"Right now, people are treating you well in spite of your lack of credentials, but that is a temporary phenomenon, sadly. There will be a time when people will judge you based on what is on paper, and by then there will be those who like you and those who dont. Therefore, you are encouraged to get the best credentials you can now, while you have the cachet and while the various advantages society makes available to those in this stage of their career are available. If anything goes wrong, you will wish you had those credentials".

The Standard Disclaimer

At various times when I write about topics far outside my recognized areas of expertise, such as the decline of the American Republic, I will make reference to this post, the idea being that it is a "standard disclaimer". Your mileage may differ.  CAVEAT EMPTOR.  That sort of thing.

One of the purposes of this blog is to express my opinion on a variety of topics, many of which are outside my formal areas of expertise. I recommend that you see these comments as the sincere, if sarcastic, statements either of belief, or disbelief, or anger, or dismay, and consider it warmup for a standup comedy routine that will probably never exist. Standup comedy, it would seem, is one profession where a layperson can express their rage about events in the world far beyond their ability to control or influence and far outside their recognized area of formal expertise.

Readers may notice that I fail to adhere to the rules of Standard Marketing and Self-Promotion in early twenty-first century America. I am somewhat self-deprecating on occasion. What I say about myself, my self-deprecating sense of humor, is certain to be used against me by some friends and acquaintances. It is a nasty world we live in.

I am a college educated (BS and some graduate work) American from the South, a third-generation agnostic Reform Jewish Democrat from Virginia, who has a (some will think) inflated opinion of himself. I have some credibility in the areas of visualization, synthetic imagery, computer animation both real time and otherwise, digital production, photography (computational or analog), simulation, visual effects, the history of computing and the Internet, and certain aspects about the history and circumstances of the Southern United States. I worked at the RAND Corporation when I was too young to know any better. I started using computers when I was very young long before that was common. I also come from that period when people did not have formal training in their field because very often the field was still being invented.

I had something to do with the invention of computer animation and its applications in the motion picture industry.  I have a technical achievement award from the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. There will be some primary source material scattered in these pages for those who are interested in the history of computer animation and the history of Los Angeles in the 1970s and 1980s.

This is my standard disclaimer, or one of them. I hope you find whatever I write here to be entertaining, humorous, whatever.

Thank you.

Uncle Abner and the Palestinians

Warning: The following post is very political and not for everyone.

This post is a response to certain friends of mine who have taken it upon themselves to have very strong opinions on a topic that is very complicated, very controversial, and probably has no easy answers. And it happens to be a topic that I know a lot about. I may not know as much as some people do, because that would require a lifetime of study. But I know enough to have some opinions on the topic and to defend myself when various friends make their very strong opinions known to me, insist they are right, and insist that I am wrong and know nothing.

If you are not someone of this cult who thinks they know all about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and know exactly what has to happen, then you may not want to read this post. You are welcome to if you want, but I would dodge it if I were you.

I once had an uncle who had converted to a form of evangelical Christianity, I am not sure what the details are, but he lived with his wife in Idaho, and my mother, who loved her brothers, took us kids to visit them one year. As predicted, he and his wife took out their bibles and explained to us that we were sinners and we had better embrace Jesus Christ into our hearts as our personal savior or we were going to Hell.

My parents were very offended but I was just puzzled. What did they hope to achieve? Did they expect my mom and us kids to say “Hallelujah! I have come home to Jesus!” Why were they being so rude?  Didn't they know how they sounded to people outside of their little cult?

I now realize that from their point of view they were not being rude, from their point of view they were acting with the best of intentions and out of the highest motives.  They were trying to save our immortal souls. You see from the beginning of the world to now, no one else has ever had the true knowledge about life and death and heaven and hell. Nobody but them, of course.

Some people would see my relatives as members of an extreme and intolerant religious cult. Others might see them as believers in one of the many great traditions of the history of religion, and more specifically, in the history of religion in this country. But the biggest problem that I had with them is their intolerance of different points of view, their arrogant certainty that they knew the truth and no one else did, and their dismissive rudeness when dealing with people who had other beliefs.

Praise the Lord! 

Today, I have a few friends who I love dearly but who have become evangelical members of a different cult, and this cult believes that they know the truth about a very complicated set of issues which ironically also has its origins in what we might in the West call "the Holy Land". Although I have spent years studying the issues that exist in that area, I am told by these friends that in fact I know nothing, but they do. They know everything, and I had better open my eyes and see the truth. 

And yet, when I talk to my friends it is clear that they know very little about the history of the issues they so confidently and inaccurately represent. but they are blissfully ignorant of this. Or maybe they just don't care.

And these self-appointed keepers of the Truth of the Universe know that Israelis are bad and "Palestinians" are good.  It doesnt matter how we got here, or who did what, or why.  Israelis bad, Palestinians good. And if you do not agree with this, then you must be wrong.

Praise Jesus!

The arrogance of this left-wing cult has to be experienced to be believed. And they are perfectly OK with telling someone like me, someone who has spent years studying this topic, the various conflicts, and the history behind it, that I know nothing.

Really? Thats interesting. Actually no, because when you discuss it with them, it is clear that they know very little of the history and issues they discuss, and are even less capable or willing to discuss those issues. In other words, unless you are a member of their cult, it is not very interesting to discuss any of these topics with them.

Well, that is their right, and their choice. But I find their beliefs both ignorant and offensive, and I don't like being treated with contempt.

But since my friends are so intent on telling me their view of the situation, but are completely dismissive of what I believe, I thought I would return the favor and let them know what I think on some of the issues that they so cavalierly expound upon.

They are not going to like what I think, but then that never stopped them from telling me with total certainty what they believe, now did it?

I think that my friends in this left-wing cult are being cynically used by one side in a conflict and that they are what Lenin called "useful idiots". I believe that Israel has a right to exist. I believe that Israel has a right to defend itself and its people from attack. I believe that the so called occupied territories were occupied as a result of wars that Israel did not start, and that Israel needs to look at its own security first.  I believe that my friends in this cult have a double standard and accuse Israel of crimes that they themselves, or rather their countries, are guilty of. And that my friends in this cult support people and organizations that are guilty of far more offensive and "non-progressive" behavior and policies than Israel ever has.  I believe that my friends are trying to hold Israel to standards that no other country in the world would be capable of fulfilling, or even try to fulfill.  I think my friends are about as hypocritical as it is possible for a person to be.

But oddly enough, these beliefs are not the point of this post. The point goes something like this. I could write for a year describing and defending the points of view that I espouse above. At the end of that time, you might not agree with me, or argue a different approach, or any of a number of things. But only someone who is not of good faith or is part of an all-knowing cult could possibly believe that they have all the answers to this situation, and that is my point.

And that is what I think about my friends in this left-wing "Israelis bad, Palestinians good" cult. They are outside the bounds of reasonable and rational discussion.  Just like my relatives who believed that the blood of Jesus was going to save me from Eternal Hellfire. They may or may not be right, but since I do not subscribe to their religion there is not a lot of point in discussing it.

That said I am going to bore you with three more issues on this nasty topic, and I submit them to my friends in their cult even though I doubt they can hear me.

1. Many people believe that negotiating peace with the Palestinians is pointless until the Palestinians convince people that they sincerely want peace. They would have to convince the Israelis that this time peace is not just a tactic in preparation for the next war of annihilation.

2. If you would like a country to return the "occupied territories", start with your own country first before you lecture others. Let he who is without sin throw the first stone, so to speak.

3. If you want to make the world a better place, may I suggest that you start here, and work to end racism, poverty, and inequity in this country, before taking sides in a situation about which you know almost nothing.

That said, these are still my friends, and just like my uncle and his family, I sincerely wish my friends all the best in areas outside of these issues.

More Blogging, Less Thinking

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This post has an uncertain lifespan. It is not clear if I will keep it online for the long term. I might just let it go out there for a few days, and then pull it back. We will see.

There are a variety of changes around here and they will be reflected in my blog. Those of you who seem to track this blog will notice a difference, and I wanted to both forewarn you and explain things.

The big idea goes something like this.

This blog was created and written in one stage of my life in order to achieve certain goals. For the most part, these goals have been achieved although of course there is much more to do. Although I did not write enough of the two books that are planned, I have certainly written enough to have valid writing samples. With a little luck, these longer term goals, for example, describing the early computer animation community of the 1980s in Los Angeles, will be expanded upon and will eventually make it into print. And hopefully several other themes will also get written, some of them may even get a lot of attention.

But in other ways, the blog has to change. First, the illusion of being self-supporting is not tenable. And it was this illusion that allowed me the freedom to write on certain topics at length. I will still do that from time to time, but not as much as before. Probably, I will be working under even more constrained circumstances. And these circumstances are fair. This is how the government and my peers treat people like me, and only the stupid or the criminally naive do not know it. Second, as time has passed, it has become clear to me that certain things that I took for granted, such as that our government was operating in good faith, or that people were my peers when it came to certain matters, have not turned out to be true.  Third, it is very clear that many people, even friends of mine, do not take me all that seriously, even though they may think that I am amusing from time to time.

The results as it applies to this blog is as follows. The posts will probably be shorter, more diverse in topic, less “reasonable” when it comes to strong assertions. It has been said about me that “I do not pull my punches”. What is odd about this is that in fact I do pull my punches, or at least I have in the past. Now, I am more likely to just tell you what I think if I believe that the evidence is obvious, and hope you can follow along.

There is a joke that goes something like “if you are going to tell the truth, you had better be funny, otherwise people will kill you”. I will try to remember this.

Also, when you have nothing to lose, why be tactful? The fact is, there are a lot of things about our society that annoys me. Why not discuss them? The fact is that I have been treated like garbage by my field, and it annoys me. Why not talk about it? What is the downside? Are people going to like me less? I doubt it. My friends already know (mostly) what I think, and the people who are not friends might be surprised by my reality, even in one case shocked, but that is actually something of a compliment for a blog writer.

At one point, I thought that through good work and patience, learning new skills, being polite, etc, I would eventually get some recognition, get some projects, demonstrate my more mature talents and so forth, but that did not work out. Today most of my friends who are successful play the corporate game (probably, in their estimation, to be allowed to keep being successful), so they are not going to help. If, then, as it appears, that whatever I do to fix this will not rely on the good will of my peers, or at least my colleagues if they are not peers, why not tell them what I think?

Hey, maybe it will even help. You never know.

Biography

This is now five years (plus) out of date.  I have never been able to write a biography that is both concise and gives some feeling for the work.

Biography of Michael Wahrman

Michael Wahrman is a pioneer of computer animation and digital visual effects. His work includes the prototype of the rendering system at Robert Abel & Associates, design of the animation system that became the Wavefront Advanced Visualizer, producer of the first behaviorally animated film, design of an early computer generated character animation system, the design of a real-time “performance animation system” for character animation and set design in real-time for use in both motion pictures and early virtual reality. In 1988 he co-founded deGraf/Wahrman, inc an important early computer animation research and production company which produced one of the first real-time computer generated character performances, a ride-film for Universal Studios Florida, two stereo ride-films for Landmark Entertainment, and visual effects on several motion pictures, all pioneering work as this was before computer animation was considered a mainstream technique. As a consultant he has worked for many well-known companies and projects including IBM Research, IBM Multimedia, Walt Disney Imagineering, Sony, New York University, the American Museum of Natural History, Viacom New Media, Pacific Title & Arts Studio, Viacom Interactive Television and dozens of others. He contributed to the IBM Digital Production Studio Project (which founded Digital Domain) and was Visual Effects Consultant on the NASA Digital Galaxy Project as part of the rebuild of the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History. On several occasions he has collaborated with Ken Perlin of NYU on various character animation and user interface research projects. He has received a Technical Achievement Award from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences and a research award from the Chicago Film Festival. He has served many years on the computer animation jury of Prix Ars Electronica. He has served two terms on the Board of NY SIGGRAPH and been a speaker at ACM SIGGRAPH, Imagina (Monte Carlo), Media Tech (Milano) and performed live computer animation at TED and at the Brooklyn Academy of Music with Lee Breuer.

Do A Good Job for Your Masters, Alan

You will be rewarded for your service.
Left in the gutter with the other poor, you serve the rich
Crunch their numbers
The rich build stupid houses for the other rich
And hide their money overseas
You are a good slave
In the Empire, slaves were often freed and given good businesses and
   made citizens,
But in our republic, the slave is worthless garbage and gets what they
   deserve
Poverty and death
Winners win and losers get nothing.
That is the American Way.

Los Angeles and Architecture in Die Hard (1988)

Many years ago, I was driving down Santa Monica Blvd late at night and ahead of me in Century City was a new building that created a fabulous National Socialist light sculpture on top of one of the new buildings that seemed to extend the building into the sky at each corner.

The night was particularly foggy which no doubt enhanced the effect.

It looked fabulous and yet I never saw it again.

Then I heard it was for the movie Die Hard (1988) which I had never seen.

So I downloaded this seminal and important film and I still did not see what I saw that night.

Oh the building was there just fine. And there were even clearly lights on the top of the building for certain important scenes near the end. But that transcendent and inspiring architectural idea that I had seen and been so impressed by was not there. It did not exist. It was an artifact, no doubt, of shooting some of the movie at night and the atmospheric conditions and not intended by the filmmakers, or the architects, at all.

Yes, one more time, I had given Los Angeles and Hollywood, each in their own way, too much credit. This building was and is intended for studio executives, lawyers and accountants. No inspirational pillars of light needed here. No striking architectural innovation. Nothing controversial at all. Just a well-made building for rich people and former presidents.

Once again, Los Angeles is true to its values.

Die Hard (1988) on IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095016/

Zoltar and I

Taken by David Yost after the Stock Gaines Memorial Sercice.  We went from the service to the Santa Monica Pier to check on the current status of Playland.  Playland was in good shape.

I think this is a pretty good picture that Dave has captured because (a) Zoltar seems to be making eye contact, and (b) he captures my mood perfectly.

On the Occasion of Siggraph 2015

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It is a fundamental tenet of western civilization that one must present oneself with confidence and style. No signs of weakness are permitted as it causes the other biped mammals to see you as a potential meal, or the other bipeds, whose support you need, to ignore you or dismiss you.

There are those I suppose who benefit from being so pathetic that it attracts a certain kind of person who likes doing rescues, but I don't think one wants to count on that as a strategy.

I have become more aware this year that my goals for the future are impractical based on my current status, how I am perceived, the resources that I have, and the competition.

Part of the problem here is that in the past I worked with energy and what is, I hope, talent and skill but was also nearly completely unaware of the odds against me. And these efforts all led to great success and total failure, accomplishment yet contempt from my peers, personal attacks that are quite astounding, and generally everything that one would expect from being poor in America, where talent and accomplishment means nothing, only money matters and certain credentials as one gets by being approved and anointed by those with power.

Why then, would I expect things to be any different in the future, when in fact the odds are only worse then they have ever been? They are worse because in the past I was part of a community, now I am alone. They are worse because in the past I had access to resources, now I have no resources. They are worse because now this is an established field and this implies both more competition, as well as competition with access to both resources and those affiliations that I wish I had but do not.

Not only may fools go where wise people fear to tread, but in fact the earlier success of the fool may not only be a result of their energy, talent and ignorance but also because times were different.

There are deeper problems as well.  A fundamental and well-reasoned concern that major elements on which we base our lives and our society are based on lies, or false premises.  Not all, but many of them. And that our public servants know this and do nothing to correct it either because they feel they can't or because they do not care. I have become convinced that our government does not have our best interests at heart and that they are quite capable of cynically exalting the rich at the expense of the rest of the country. I have looked at some of the evidence, evidence that The Economist says does not exist, but it does exist.  Too many lies, too much hypocrisy, too much swept under the rug, too much misery.

On the other hand, what is the alternative.   Perhaps talent, hard work and experience and maybe a sense of humor about the situation, all of our situations, can make a difference.   I guess I have to try again.

These are the thoughts that occur to me on the occasion of a birthday and the annual trial of Siggraph.

Lynda Weinman and the Early Days of Computer Animation

For those of you interested in trivia from the early days of computer animation, I have a somewhat interesting story.

When we were founding degraf/wahrman, a variety of people helped us out. One of them was (and still is) a truly delightful and wonderful woman who helped us in dozens and dozens of ways including, among other things, helping us set up our office, helping us set up our finances, and spearheading and completely owning the early use of the Mac for previsualization, in this case for Star Trek V and Ralph Winter, which got everyone a lot of publicity. She was/is also an animator, a friend of many people in animation, and I have no doubt that she was in part responsible for the good vibes surrounding our startup.

She was also from the earliest days a complete believer in the idea that computers such as the Mac could transform peoples lives for the better and enable their creativity. Her idealism motivated everything she did to a remarkable extent. After Star Trek V she had bigger fish to fry and probably most of the people who later worked at dWi did not even realize she had worked there. But she went off and among other things started doing conferences about Flash, and then started an internet company to help people learn to use their computers.

Apparently, a few weeks ago, she sold that company, Lynda.com, to Linkedin for 1.5 billion. It is hard to believe that someone who is so idealistic and so well-meaning would do well in such a practical way, but Lynda Weinman is really that amazing. Anyway, I wanted to publicly congratulate Lynda and thank her again for her help long ago and far away.