Poetic and Ecclesiastical Implications of Adopting the Metric System

Americans have often heard the assertion that we should adopt the so-called Metric System and that failure to do so is old fashioned and will hurt our competitiveness in the world market. I believe these advocates are disingenuous and are hiding their real reasons, that in fact they are part of a conspiracy to destroy America by pushing it down a path of radical reform that will inevitably lead to chaos, atheism and poetic inelegance.

Advocates of the metric system generally fail to reveal where it came from and for good reason. The Metric System was created during the French Revolution as part of a comprehensive effort to do away with the ancien regime in all its forms. Of course advocates of this radical system never tell you that. But one thing will lead to another.

What comes next after the Metric System? Inevitably it will lead to calls to adopt the Revolutionary Calendar. If you thought that going between Daylight Savings Time and Standard Time was disruptive, just wait until you experience 10 hours per day, 100 minutes an hour, each minute some ridiculous commune-inspired number of seconds! The months will be named for the seasons of Paris: Vendemiaire, Brumaire, Frimaire, Nivose, Pluviose, Ventose, Germinal, Floreal, Prairial, Messidor, Thermidor, Fructidor. Or will we use the British versions, Vintagearious, Fogarious, Frostarious, Snowous, Rainous, Windous, Buddal, Floweral, Meadowal, Reapidor, Heatidor, Fruitidor? What will good American holidays become in this new system? Will Mother's Day be in Germinal or what? How about the 4th of July? And everything will have to be dated from 22 September 1792, of course.

From there it is only a short step to striking at the very heart of America, our devotion to spiritual values. You can be sure of attacks on the church and calls to require people to worship at the Cult of Reason or the Cult of the Supreme Being. No doubt, all preachers and pastors will be arrested and sent to re-education camps.

Inevitably, these so-called reformers of society will insist that we rewrite all literature to conform to their radical notions. Take for example the opening of the following well-known poem:

      Half a league, half a league, half a league onward,

      All in the valley of Death rode the six hundred.

No doubt this will be outlawed and children will be forced to memorize:

      2.778 kilometers, 2.778 kilometers, 2.778 kilometers,

      All in the valley of Death rode the six hundred.

That is the kind of wickedness that these advocates of a so-called more logical system will promote. Chaos will reign, good Americans will never stand for it, there will be violence in the streets as these radicals use force to impose their revolutionary vision.

I urge all true Americans to resist this evil and oppose the Metric System.

Thank you.