Why I Always Say Nice Things About My Clients

Could it be that American business is so terrified of having their crimes exposed that they would refuse to hire someone who wrote a blog?

A highly respected colleague from long ago who will remain nameless here has advised me to be aware that by writing a blog I have condemned myself to a life of poverty. There is absolutely no way, he avers, that any *real* company could take the chance that their dirty laundry would appear one day in my blog, there for all to see, exposed naked as it were to the whole world.

How very, very pathetic. How sad that a hypothetical business that would be terrified of a little blog, or even worse, that people would go around and live their lives scared that they might say something that would offend the corporation.

Sorry, but I just don't buy it.  I refuse to believe that companies and people are so terrified of a little blog. I sincerely hope my friend is wrong.

But they really have nothing to worry about on my account.  Assuming that they have paid me and people are not jerking each other around, I am incredibly discreet.

Here is some of my philosophy on the subject.

1. I believe in the “mutual appreciation society”. That means that I say good things about you and you say good things about me. It cuts both ways and it is to everyone's advantage.

2. In general, nothing bad about someone is put in writing (and email is writing).  

3. I sincerely adore my clients for the most part and want them to think that hiring me is one of the best things they have ever done. Therefore I do everything in my power to help them be successful and obviously dissing them in public would not be helpful.

4. In the long run, I believe that we live in a very small world, and whenever possible I try to remember this and say nice things. I may not be perfect, no one or company is perfect, and I try not to spread malicious gossip or be the subject of same.  Of course this can be difficult to do in this world given the tendency of people to say nasty things about each other and nuke their bridges, but I try to take the high road whenever possible and that has been my policy for over 20 years.

5. Finally and perhaps most important, I respect the confidentiality of my sources and when requested I keep sensitive information out of my blog, respect the request to be anonymous, and also respect that some information can only be for background only. Unlike the sensationalist press, we are in this for the long run. Besides lets face reality here, who exactly reads my blog that anyone would care what I published in it anyway?

But one does have to wonder if people are not being a little paranoid here in their concern.

Why are people so worried?

Could it be, could my friend be suggesting, (oh my god) that most companies are cesspools of crime and work every day to violate the law and work with government to hide their misdeeds? That in fact they are guilty of the worst offenses and desperate to keep their vile crimes out of the public eye? Is that what my friend is actually saying?

No, that could not be!  Not in the free market system!  Not in America!

Countermeasures Once You Have Been Spoofed

Several months ago, my friend Ken Cope reported that my name was being used on Facebook to sell some horrible weight reduction product. That was weird but I did nothing about it. I now think I know how it happened and I am writing it up so that you can possibly avoid these things.

For a variety of reasons, I run Windows on one of my laptops. This is the device I use to read books in bed and on the train so it needs to have a Kindle reader which means it can not be Linux/Unix but must be Windows or Mac OS. It came installed with Windows 8 which is, IMHO, a disaster but I installed classic menu and tried using some apps from the Microsoft store including a world clock. Well, one of these apps had a virus.

Or possibly the virus came with a plugin for Google Chrome.

In any case, Google Chrome started behaving obnoxiously bring up billions of advertisements, so I reverted to Firefox and the problems mostly went away.

But then all of a sudden when I tried to edit my Kindle parameters, it brought up a window to Amazon but unbeknownst to me it was really a hacked non-Amazon window with a questionnaire. I foolishly filled it out and it contained no information of value. I have no idea what the point of that was. But it was clear to me that somehow my browser had been hacked and that it had whatever my browser knew, which included passwords.

I brainwiped the computer and went and changed all sites that had passwords that the browser on the computer knew. You must never use these passwords again because it now has it in its database and it will make use of them on another account of yours should you reuse it.

Probably you should not have your browser ever remember a password. Once a program is infected, delete it. Once a password is compromised, never use it again. Never load applications from the Microsoft store.

The Nigerian Concept of "Cake"

What is odd about the debate around the concept of “cultural diversity” is that our culture here in America is a melange of bits and pieces of other cultures, mostly but not entirely European, in which we seem to have picked one from column A and two from column B and then declare that we invented it. Regional cuisine, Southern music, the tradition of the Christmas tree, our notions of a fair and just war, and so forth are mash ups of other people's cultures made our own with a few misunderstood regional historical events and a little stuffing for the poor oppressed turkey or great turnip replacement, the pumpkin.

Today I want to advocate that we borrow another cultural concept that I think is very appealing and has a lot of applicability to this great country of ours and which I propose we make our own. This is the Nigerian concept of “cake”.

What a healthy looking birthday cake with depth of field!

Like many countries in the world and in sub-Saharan Africa in particular, there are great extremes in wealth with the vast majority being dirt poor and a very few who are quite rich. But Nigeria is also blessed (or cursed as may be) with great natural resources, such as oil. The wealth generated by this oil is vast and yet most Nigerians are still extremely poor, with no improvement in their lives, no new schools, hospitals, and so forth. So where does all the money go?

Well Nigerians have noticed that nearly all the money goes either to the foreign oil companies or to the offshore personal bank accounts of senior government officials and some of their aides. Very few people in Nigeria benefit from the oil outside the government. There is some employment of local workers, but not much, and they are not paid well. Most of the engineers and managers who work for the oil companies come from outside Nigeria and return to their homes in other countries when their assignment is done.

Not only do the people of Nigeria not see any of this money, in general the Government does not see it either. These offshore bank accounts for Nigerians may have tens or hundreds of millions of dollars, but those are the personal accounts of their government or military officials. Apparently, only a small amount of this money actually goes back to the country in the form of tax or other revenues that might be used on public works projects.

An industrious Nigerian with some cake

The Nigerians calls this vast wealth from oil “cake” as in chocolate cake, or a birthday cake. They are not looking for justice, or a government who is not corrupt and provides real services for their people, or any of those worthy concepts. They may desire those things, but they realize that there is very little chance of ever getting them in Nigeria. At least not the way things have been going for the last few centuries. What they would like is a small part of the cake that is being pumped out of the country.

Being forthright and straightforward people, the Nigerians have come up with a variety of ways to get small pieces of the cake which they figure is at least as much theirs as it is the people who are profiting by it. One way to do this is to get some friends together, rent a rusted-out old ship of some sort, a few hundred empty barrels, punch a hole in one of the pipelines that run alongside the rivers, and voila we have a recipe for instant cake. The oil companies come by in a day or two and patch the hole, leaving the spilled oil where it lies.  Of course the government and the oil companies complain bitterly about oil theft but just who is stealing from whom, I wonder.   In this, energetic and productive fashion, Nigerians are able to make a much better living than digging in the mud with a stick or swatting flies as their government would like them to, and so benefit from the Globalization we hear so much about.

This shows initiative and a positive attitude on the part of the Nigerians.  A true demonstration of the entrepreneurial ideal.  Rather than waiting for someone to come along and "give them a job", they get off their rear ends and collect a little crude oil on their own.   

Now in our country, our government officials also profit on managing the natural resources and economy for the benefit of their rich masters but their fees are much less. In America, the corruption is more discreet as well and are usually channeled through reelection campaign funds and so forth.  The rest of us work for slave wages and although there is a larger middle class than in Nigeria, it doesn't add up to much. And besides, our government is working to reduce the middle class and being quite successful at it. When the Dow average goes up, it is the tiny wealthy elite in this country that benefits. The idea that it is the “retirement funds” that benefit as well is very much an obvious lie from the last century.

This fine concept of cake would have to be adapted to our American way of life of course.  The carved turnip from Africa must become a carved giant gourd here in America, metaphorically speaking.  We all want a piece of cake, but just punching holes in oil pipelines may be appropriate for the colorful native peoples of Africa but would not do for those in the west with our sophistication and finely honed environmental sensibilities.  But I am sure Americans can run with this idea and suitably modify it in a way that does not compromise other values and allows us to deceive ourselves into thinking that we invented the idea.

I hope that Americans will not let foolish pride stand in the way of adopting interesting ideas from other cultures.  If the world can adopt "blue jeans" and "jazz" from America, surely we can benefit from their concept of "cake" and thank the Nigerians for showing the way to a more just and fair world.

Fierce Darwinian Struggle and Proof of Cooperation Between the Facilities in Computer Animation

When a friend made a proposal to try to manage the disaster that is unemployment in visual effects and computer animation in this country, his proposal required that visual effects and computer animation companies work together in some way in the area of labor, somehow sharing people in a way that I did not understand.   Of course.  Sure, makes perfect sense.  After all, the production facilities are well known for cooperating in this and so many other areas.

Just kidding.  The only thing the facilities do to each other is to beat each other over the heads and shoulders and try to get in a killing blow.  I can cite example after example in which the worst human behavior is exhibited by one facility against another.  They see life and the world as a zero sum game, if they win then the others must lose and vice versa.

Well, I was wrong.  To my amazement, three important facilities in animation and visual effects collaborated in an important area for years but they kept it quiet because of their inherent modesty and good will. Their collaborative efforts were directed for the greatest good of society and in the greatest traditions of American industry which aspires to grossly violate labor laws and destroy the economic well-being of their workers.

It all starts about a year ago when a founder of an important early computer animation company made a public proposal to address some of the dilemmas facing employment in this country for the computer animation proletariat. 

My criticisms of his plan were as follows: a. it did not address the subsidies that made certain industries, particularly visual effects, uneconomic in this country. b. it assumed that visual effects and animation companies could be cooperative in their use of labor, which I doubted, and c. it did not address the problem of vast oversupply of people who were qualified or thought they were qualified to work in production, thus driving prices down for labor and making it unlikely that they would be able to earn a living wage or live in security in this field.

Furthermore, my idealistic friend is well aware of the normal competitive nature in the field, as the facility he started and managed for many years was among the worst offenders, 

The normal mode of fierce Darwinian struggle was first expressed to me by my friend's business partner, who pointed out how it was a strategy of their company to drive their competitor out of business by any means possible and then absorb the former employees that they had selected as suitable, thus destroying any ability of the out-of-business company to reconstitute itself. An excellent strategy I think, and filled with all the positive values that I would expect from an executive in the field of computer animation.

I would say that this philosophy so elegantly expressed by my friend's partner does describe the default level of cooperation between the facilities: not only is there *no* cooperation but there are active efforts at all times to destroy the competition (which is to say, any other facility) and devour their flesh, laughing, and reinvent history to demean and despise their former enemy.

But in a shocking reversal, it was recently announced that three important companies in the field not only considered working together in common cause, but had actually been doing so for years. Instead of mere blind competition, red in tooth and claw, these three companies, Pixar, ILM and Dreamworks, were able to set aside their normal competitive nature and demonstrate a noble spirit of collaboration by grossly violating employment laws and conspiring together to see that the mere worker, despised by all corporations in America, are deprived of a fair wage in any sense of the word and in any way competitively determined.   Competition is for when it benefits the rich, not when it benefits the worker, as we all know.

It goes without saying that having worked so selflessly to abuse the worker in a cooperative manner, that those who were found guilty were not punished in any substantial manner.  Why should they be? This is America after all.

Thus we have proof that computer animation (and visual effects) facilities can work together towards a common goal, at least when it involves crime.   So maybe my friend's proposal needs to be rewritten so that it incorporates some gross violation of law and ethics, and then maybe we can get the facilities to cooperate for the common good.  That might work.

How Bad Is The Quality of (Stolen) Downloaded Movies?

In this this post, I described an experiment in whether or not Edge of Tomorrow (2014), was available on the Internet in violation of international copyright.  It was, but the quality was lousy.   How lousy?

I compared what I downloaded to the Youtube trailer at (what they claimed was) 720, 480, 360 and 240.  I have no idea what these numbers mean and doubt they correspond to much in the world of real video standards.   But the upshot is that the downloaded copy was about the quality of the lowest Youtube setting, roughly 240.   That is bad. 

What's the matter with the world today?  Don't criminals have any pride in their work anymore?   This is just another sign of the collapse of Western Civilization.

I am appalled.

The first image below is a screengrab from the trailer on Youtube in 720 mode.  The second is from the downloaded video.  The subject matter is not identical, but is hopefully close enough to get a sense of how bad the quality is.

This is a disgrace.   Cant we educate our criminals to do better than this?

No Weapon, No Motive, No Body

Today's post could be accused of being a little macabre but I hope you will look beyond that to the potentially useful information contained within.

One week, I was staying at a friends' apartment in Chelsea while she was out of town. And, being bored, I went to a local bar and ordered a drink, and ended up in a conversation with someone who claimed to be a former officer in the NYPD. Now maybe he was, and maybe he wasn't, but the bartender who knew him did not contradict him, for what that may be worth. There are times when I can talk to anyone and get them to talk about themselves and their work and this was one of those nights.

Somehow we got on the subject of crime, whether the so-called mafia were as noble as that portrayed in The Godfather (1972), and finally on how to commit murder, or rather, what the attributes of a perfect murder are from the point of view of someone formerly of the NYPD.

The point of this post is to document what I learned that evening so that the information might not be forgotten but can instead be available to my loyal readers should the occasion present itself.  I suppose you never know when you might have to knock someone off, and this information would be good to have at that time.

On the subject of the mafia, nobility and idealism, the bartender, a youngish man, claimed some personal knowledge. I guess he was of appropriate descent, and had friends or possibly relatives who worked in that profession in one way or another. I told him the story from WW2 that when we invaded Sicily, that one of the American Don's was there on the beach to meet his old patron, one of the Sicilian Don's to help ease the way for the Americans. My friend the bartender, laughed at my naivete. Well, maybe, he said, if it was part of a plea bargain, but patriotism for their new country aside, he said, the right way to think of the mafia is as pure capitalists. What they care about is money. Beginning and ending with money.

On the subject of the perfect murder, the interesting person who may indeed have been a former NYPD police officer had this to say. “No weapon, No motive, No body”. He then went on to explain what this cute little saying meant.

The missing Jimmy Hoffa in happier days.

“No weapon” means that the murder weapon no longer exists, and can not be found, for one reason or another (like it is at the bottom of the Atlantic ocean). Thus no weapon can be introduced in court by the prosecution and without a murder weapon, establishing guilt in a murder case is very difficult, he said.

“No motive” means that the person or people who commit the crime are in fact not the people who had a reason to commit the crime. This is the big advantage, if you can swing it, of a larger organization of loyal and trustworthy people. In other words, you may hate Joe and want to kill him and have good reason to kill him, at least from your point of view. But on that evening you were home with your family eating a spaghetti dinner and had a foolproof and even legitimate alibi. On the other hand, Pete may barely know Joe or not know him at all, has no motive, and he commits the murder. But the police have no particular reason to suspect Pete, he has no motive for the crime. Nor would the prosecution be able to show why Pete should commit such a crime in court. Even if they know Pete did the deed, they would still have to establish motive, and being a distant friend of someone who hates Joe is not a strong connection.

“No body” means the body disappears. It may not even be certain that Joe was murdered (although I suppose a lot of blood on his apartment floor would be a clue). But if Joe simply disappears, and there is no sign of violence, then for all anyone knows, Joe may be in Rio de Janiero fucking little boys. Think Jimmy Hoffa. Now how do you reliably get rid of the body? Well, there are a variety of ways and again this is where having a larger organization comes in handy. But butchering Joe into component parts and depositing them on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean is one thought.  According to one informant, Mr. Hoffa was put into a trunk of a car, compressed, and sent to Japan as scrap.  Another thought is that nice new Javits Center where, it is said, Jimmy Hoffa rests in peace, or in pieces.

I hope you have found this post educational and useful in your work.

Designing a Latin Motto for Your New Crime Organization

Most American's have realized by now that if they are on the outside of the vast wealth in this country, that the only way to change that situation is through the time-honored American tradition of crime.  All great fortunes in this country started with a crime or crimes, and people are not being metaphorical when they say that. (3)

But if you are going to have a criminal organization, particularly an international criminal organization, then you are going to have to have a motto to inspire your members, and that motto has to be in Latin.  There are strict rules about such things: from Annuit Coeptus to Semper Fidelis to In Hoc Signo Vinces, (1)  our mottos in the West are required to be in Latin even for criminals.

Since our educational system has for years fallen into decadence and shame and failed to teach everyone how to read and write Latin, it is permissible, under the circumstances to use certain Internet-based crutches, such as the recent Google Tranlate English->Latin and Latin->English service.

You may find this useful capability here:  http://translate.google.com/#en/la/

We all know that the United States has mottos designed by Freemasons under the control of the Illuminati, hence the mottos Annuit Coeptus and Novus Ordo Seclorum.   Its fun to have people deny that there was Freemason influence in the creation of this country and show them the Great Seal of the United States.

One interpretation of the "Eye in the Pyramid" is that the Egyptians built the Pyramids with sacred knowledge, but that knowledge came directly from Satan.   

Some of our most notable mottos / slogans are in fact fictional, including my favorite from Edgar Allen Poe's A Cask of Amontillado.  In this short story our hero, Montresor, lures his enemy into a dungeon, secures him with chains, and imprisons him up behind a wall of bricks to leave him to die of starvation.  The motto of the Montresor family is Neme Me Impune Lacessit or "none may attack me with impunity".    (2)

So now what would constitute a good Latin motto for a crime organization, whether international or local?   Presumably the motto would indicate either a lofty goal, or an act of revenge, or in some way indicate what made our criminal group a center of excellence, e.g. the very best bank robbers, the very best despoilers of virgins, the best at repressing justice hand-in-hand with the politicians, that sort of thing.   In the case of organizations rising up from oppression, one could imagine an oddly paranoid phrase as a contender, and I included one below.

To inspire complete and efficient vengeance, perhaps

     Debent Omnes Morimur  -- They Must All Die

     Occidite Eos Celeriter  --  Kill Them Quickly


To inspire discipline and accuracy among our members, we might have

    Stultus Est Errare  --  To Err is Stupid    

   
To remind us what our goals are, consider

    Pecunia et Potentia  --  Money and Power

    Carpe Pecuniam  --  Seize the Money

    Nisi Mentis Inops, Pauper Est  --  Only an Idiot is Poor

    Furantur a Divitibus  --  Steal From the Rich


Finally, my favorite, for those of us with low self-esteem

    Omnes Me Oderunt  --  They All Hate Me


Here are a few thoughts on the technicalities of using Google English / Latin / English translator. Remember that Latin is an inflected language (defined in a moment) and English has lost most of its inflections.   By inflected, linguists mean that the form of the word changes depending on its use in a sentence, and specifically, the end(ing) of the word changes.  In English, I may call someone stupid, and stupid bacially has one form.  But in Latin, it may have six forms, depending on its uses.   I am fucked, he is fucked, you are fucked, we are fucked and so forth, has one ending in English but would have six in Latin.  Why should you care?

Because in using the English to Latin translator, giving it a few words, a short phrase, is much better than giving it a single word, e.g. a verb.  "They are stupid and must die" is much better than "Stupid. Die" because of how the languages work.

I hope that this has inspired you to design a motto for your new career in crime and I look forward to reading some of your efforts in this area.

____________________________________

Notes:

1. They mean "he knows and approves", "always faithful" and "by this sign you shall conquer" respectively.

2. You can find this story here on the Internet, below.  "For the love of God, Montresor! Yes, for the love of God."

http://xroads.virginia.edu/~hyper/POE/cask.html

3. Real honest to gosh crime is meant here.   You know, guys with guns, that sort of thing.  But with good politicians and friends in high places to make it all look good and cover it up later.  You know, like the Railroads, or the Trusts or the slave labor (Chinese and Irish) use to build the railroads and so forth.

The Taste of Oil is in the Drinking

This is a comment to a news article from a Nigerian newspaper.   It is a wonderful, sarcastic, well written short story about oil corruption in Nigeria.    

The story may be written by someone named Darlington Ehondor.  It says it is.  I have no idea if this is a known person in Nigeria, a known writer, or an anonymous critic, or what.   He does not name names below when he accuses everyone of corruption, so maybe this is not so dangerous to do.

I particularly like the idiom of the "Nigerian Cake", that Nigeria is seen by its people as a big cake that everyone can and should take a slice of.  

The original is a comment at the bottom of this article:
http://www.vanguardngr.com/2012/07/only-three-million-barrels-stolen/


Darlington_Ehondor • 10 months ago THE TASTE OF OIL IS IN THE DRINKING

A lot of people wonder why the oil sector is so pathologically notorious for sweet-toothed scams and mouth-watering scandals. I used to wonder myself, and my wife wouldn’t stop gawking at the TV each time a new kettle of rotten oil bubbled over and covered our television screen in blinding mist. But when the Nollywoodesque Lawan-Otedola circus show exploded into a national pastime, I decided to find out exactly what made oil tick. What I discovered will make you drool and dry with desire.

“Can I taste some oil?” I asked Jack Rider, managing director of Rivers Of Oil In Nigeria (or ROOIN), a foreign oil prospecting company, which specializes in drilling and draining crude somewhere in Bayelsa State.

He said, “I should be glad to give you a glass or two of Bonny Light. It’s the best blend there is – better than anything the Saudis and the Venezuelans have on the market. Senators and their SUVs drink that a lot.”

I was excited at the prospect.

So he flew me on his company’s helicopter to its off-shore oil rig off the Atlantic Ocean. As soon as we touched down on the helipad, I was instantly overwhelmed by the strong, enveloping smell of raw oil, which made me feel groggy, a near feeling of drunkenness. In my mind, I reasoned that, if the smell of oil could muster such an inebriating high, then the taste of it must be in the drinking, awesomely over-powering.

Amid the deafening hums and hollering of machines and clock-working engines and sea breeze, I yelled out to Rider, “I am feeling like I just stepped out of a beer parlour! Why is that?!!”

“It’s the smell of oil! No one comes here without tipping over with the kind of psychoactive reaction you are experiencing at the moment, as a result of stepping on this rig. But wait until you taste the taste of oil.”

Before I knew it, Rider was handing me a huge transparent mug, and I stared with amazement at its thick black content. The strong aroma hit me so hard my legs wobbled a few seconds.

“Drink,” Rider said.

I took a sip and waited for it to take effect on my taste buds. Its smoothness on my tongue felt like velvet. When Rider looked away at a particularly noisy machine, I pretended to swallow.

I said, “It tastes like Wall’s ice cream. Now I know why they call it ‘sweet crude’.”

“It’s the same reason politicians and business people are losing their minds and pointing accusing fingers at each other over it. I tell you something, my friend, oil is an addictive drug. Once you taste it, you never want to leave it. People go into public service in your country because it is about the only place you can taste oil to your heart’s content. For them, it’s a contagious disease with serial infestations. You won’t believe how much they thirst for oil.”

I asked Rider, “How many politicians have come here to taste your brand of oil?”

“They don’t just taste, they cart it off in barrels and ship-loads and give some to their friends.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“If you don’t believe me, then who will you believe – the guys at the NNPC, who are the chief poisoners in the oil-drinking business?”

I interjected with disgust, “The guys at the NNPC are supposed to protect Nigerian oil from those plundering and pillaging it.”

“Well, they are up to their eyes in the plundering and pillaging business themselves. Of course, they work hand and foot with the political fat cats. ”

I said, “I don’t expect you to name names, but would that include legislators and people in the executive arm of government?”

“The people in the hallowed dome and those on the Rock. They troop in here regularly like termites and we have to fill their orders, which they write off by sneaking them into the national budget.”

Rider suddenly and instinctively motioned me over to a corner of the rig and I was sub-consciously amazed to find a stack of barrels with my name written on them in Bodoni bold. I asked him, “Whose are those?”

“As you can see, they are yours, Sir – my personal gift to you. Those barrels are your share of the proverbial national cake, your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to strike it rich. Or don’t you want them? You might not get another chance. There is a room-full of legislators lining up to load them off.”

“Are you bribing me?”

“Hell, no! I am giving you oil to whet your soil so you don’t write any of what you’ve seen and heard here, or the politicians are going to confiscate our license and turn it over to our rivals over there in Prominent Petroleum, who have been working hard to match us bribe-barrel-for-bribe-barrel in the competition for the hearts and minds of politicians in hallowed places.”

“I can’t take that home! My wife has petro-phobia, a convulsive fear of petroleum. She can only stand the smell of cooking oil. Thanks, but no, thanks.”

He said, “Politicians don’t take their oil home – only the spoils of oil, the cold hard cash. For their wives, it is life’s elixir. Or why else do you think Patience Jonathan goes to Dubai every day?”

But I wanted to know something else, so I asked the managing director, “What if a politician doesn’t know where to sell the bribe oil you give him and he threatens to fry your butt in a deep fat fryer?”

“We convert his oil to cash, and we’re talking tons and oodles and gazillions of dollars, pounds, yens, and even yuans, as the Chinese have begun to swim in these oily waters increasingly. It’s our way of thanking the politicians for their magnanimity.”

“How do the politicians thank you for thanking them?”

“They double the price of petroleum products and blame it all on the global economic recession. That way, we are shielded behind a formidable wall of officialdom.”

“You mean you are helping to ruin the Nigerian economy?”

Rider was furious. He blared ferociously, “Just because my company’s acronym is ROOIN doesn’t mean that we are the ones tumbling your economy into the gutters.”

I said, “You are not worried about the environmental damage then. Look at these waters, no one can fish or swim in them anymore. The oil in the soil eats up our toil, and everywhere is the reek of sleek. What do you say about that?”

The oil company owner put in a defence. He said, “Never mind the cliché, but who ever made an omelette without cracking a few eggs? Environmental costs come with the crude business. Without it, we wouldn’t be in business. We would roll over and evaporate.”

“You are being insensitive to those whose livelihoods depend on these waters.”

“Who says we aren’t sensitive to their plight? The politicians just won’t let us do something about it because the money will come out of their bribes, and nobody wants to go home with chicken change. And, by the way, it’s not like we are the only ones damaging the environment.”

“Who else is?”

Rider said, “The pipeline raiders, who puncture holes in oil pipes in the bushes of the Niger-Delta and cart off crude in buckets and wheelbarrows. They are the ones you should be honey-punching with your jibes, not us who do honest work by drilling legally and legitimately.”

I said, “The pipeline raiders work for the politicians.”

“How did you know that?”

“I heard it from Zainab, who is a girlfriend to Senator Homeward Bound, who she says let it slip out during a particularly talkative orgasmic frenzy in a seedy motel the other night.”

Crime and Punishment: Nigerian Oil Theft

We are proud to initiate a new topic here on Global Wahrman: Criminal Activities. We hope to be a vital stop on your internet review of crime opportunities and showcase both new opportunities for crime, as well as older approaches revitalized by new technologies, and many other related topics associated with the fast moving worlds of crime.

In today's modern world, with so many people disenfranchised and impoverished by our Government's policies, designed as they are to enrich the few at the expense of the many, we believe that crime is a growth industry and that it embodies the spirit of entrepreneurial activity that America stands for.   Many of our most famous Americans have been criminals, from Carnegie to Morgan, from Astor to Mellon.  Its as American as apple pie.   The trick is to be successful enough to buy your way out of whatever trouble your entrepreneurial activities have gotten you into.

Art fraud, oil theft, poker games, money laundering, cybercrime and government bailouts, all these crimes and more will be covered in future posts.

Today we begin our series with an article on Phys.Org about Nigerian Oil Theft. Nigeria has the unusual advantage of both vast mineral wealth, in this case oil, with an incredibly poor population, combined with a government which is considered one of the most corrupt and incompetent in the world. The government and the military of Nigeria have enriched themselves at the people's expense, which is what all government's do, but Nigeria's has been extraordinarily good at it. This particular problem started when vast oil reserves were proven to exist in Nigerian territory. Could this opportunity be used to both destroy the environment, further corruption, and yet completely fail to improve the life of the people of Nigeria? The Government of Nigeria stepped up to the challenge, and worked with Shell Oil to see to it that the oil was exploited in a way that helped only a few.

An oil thief caught in the very act of committing a crime! 

The problem comes from those plucky little people, trying to find a way to make a living, who, by stealing tiny amounts of this oil, also cause environmental problems. "Its all the poor people's fault," said Shell Oil executive Rancid "Randy" Smerlow. "We have worked very hard to steal the oil and make a lot of money which we use to destroy the environment globally and corrupt local officials, but its these damn poor people who are stealing oil, they cause all the environmental damage! Blame them!"

Of course this brings up the much larger issues of "big crime" vs "little crime". In America, there is no issue. We always favor big crime. But this is less clear in other parts of the world and we will explore this cultural diversity in depth in future articles on Global Wahrman.

Read the article on "Nigeria Oil Theft Soars to Feed Underground Industry" below and be sure to click on the links at the bottom of the article.

http://phys.org/news/2013-04-nigerian-oil-theft-soars-underground.html

or see:

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/50466485/ns/us_news-environment/t/nigerias-oil-thieves-say-government-leaves-them-no-choice/#.UXSW-qLZ4W4

or

http://www.english.rfi.fr/africa/20121120-nigeria-struggles-stop-billion-dollar-oil-theft

Villains! Enemies of the People! Stop Driving Blue Pickup Trucks!

[2.12.2013  We do not know at this point how crazy Dorner is and how unjust, if it was unjust at all, was the procedure that got him fired from the LAPD.   But on the surface of things, it looks like another example of the LAPD punishing someone who tries to make them live up to their promise to clean up their overt racism and violence.  If my post is unfair, should we decide that to be true later when we know the facts, trust me when I say that the history of the LAPD makes it a perfectly good conclusion to jump to.  The LAPD has earned its reputation.]

We want to loudly and firmly announce support for our LAPD in these bleak hours when, in our defense, these stern defenders of the peace go on another rampage shooting anyone in a blue pickup truck.

If I were you, I would park that blue pickup truck right now, and walk away. Otherwise, you might be shot, and so you should be, you wretched blue-pickup-truck-driving villain!

The enemy

One of the pillars of Los Angeles is the Los Angeles Police Department, the LAPD, whose motto is "To Protect and Serve".  These selfless and upright public servants protect Los Angeles from the forces of crime and racial equality, placing themselves bodily between us good folk and the nasty bad people out there.

Today they are under immense pressure because of a challenge made by a former member of the LAPD who has sworn revenge against the noble LAPD.

The hunt to destroy blue pickup trucks began when a former LAPD officer was fired for the gross offense of reporting that a superior had brutally and sadistically beaten an innocent and mentally-challenged person. Of course he was fired!   How dare he denounce a member of our famously humane LAPD? This is Los Angeles after all, and in Los Angeles, the LAPD can beat the shit out of anyone with impunity as has been demonstrated time and again.

Our former officer, who is suspected of murdering his ex-girl friend and her fiancee, has sworn to get even, and drives a blue pickup truck. The LAPD has sensibly and reasonably responded to this challenge by going on a rampage and is even now shooting wildly with assault weapons (2) at anyone with a blue pickup truck.

Lets remember what Los Angeles stands for. It stands for crime, criminality, hypocrisy and the exploitation of the poor in the service of the rich. Los Angeles and crime go hand and hand.

With the possible exception of the Aerospace industry, all the major industries in Los Angeles were founded on crime. (1)

Consider a few highpoints of this notable history. The motion picture industry moving here to be able to more easily evade the Edison patents. The agricultural and garment industries based on illegal labor. The theft of water and political fraud for real estate development. The music industry (need I say more). The Construction industry. Import-export and the turn-of-the-century opium trade. Chinese slave labor and the building of the railroads. The destruction of the mass transit system. The oil industry. The porn industry. The consistent rumor that the Heidi Fleiss affair was caused by Sony Columbia refusing to pay their annual $1M bribe to the head of the LAPD. The Rodney King riots which were caused by the video of the LAPD beating the shit out of Mr. King as he lay prostrate on the ground, defenseless.

These are the things that Los Angeles stands for.

We at Global Wahrman support the LAPD in its efforts to suppress crime and call upon on all evil-doers to stop driving their blue pickup trucks at once!

Los Angeles Police Department Home Page

http://www.lapdonline.org/
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1. The author wishes to acknowledge that many cities may have been founded by criminals.  Also that criminality is sometimes a matter of point of view.  After all, New Amsterdam became New York because the British Navy stole it from the Dutch, to give one example.

2. A friend gave me a hard time over my use of the term "assault rifle".  He is correct to do so, as assault rifle is really a marketing term, not a technical one.   But the fact is that the only people who make that distinction today are people who are opposed to any kind of gun control.  So, to hell with you, we need gun control in this country.  I think "assault rifle" is a fine term to use in this case.