Saturday, August 18, 2012

Squid Move Postponed


When I lived in NYC, I had the opportunity to work at the American Museum of Natural History as they were building the new Hayden Planetarium. This was also part of the NASA Digital Galaxy Project to build a map of our galaxy for visualization purposes, which will be the subject of later posts.

I have noticed that every interesting project will also have an interesting meeting, memo, whatever that seems to capture the spirit of a project, or of a place.  This project had many such events, memos, etc, not all of them fun.  But the following email, written here from memory, was one of my favorites.  When I received it, I forwarded it without comment to about 10 of my friends and, unusually, I got a response from every one of them.   One of my friends thought at first that the email was about a "squid movie" that had been postponed.

The name below is made up, I do not remember the name of the person who originally sent it.


_____________________________________________________________________________

To:          all-amnh
Subject:  SQUID MOVE POSTPONED
Date:       July 11, 1999


Due to circumstances that were not entirely foreseen, the giant squid will not be moved on Friday as originally planned.


                     Sincerely, 

                     Rebecca Swanson

                     Research Associate
                     Department of Invertebrates
                     American Museum of Natural History

_____________________________________________________________________________


Smithsonian Article on the Giant Squid

The American Museum of Natural History

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Analog Computer & Its Place in History



Before the digital computer, there was the analog computer that would solve important problems that needed to be calculated and solved (perhaps in real time) using mechanical means. These "calculators" were often continuous in nature (unlike most digital computers which are discrete).

Some of the most important inventions of the second world war are in the area of these analog computers. Consider the very secret Norden Bomb Sight, the anti-aircraft fire control director for ships, and the amazing Torpedo Data Computer (of which only one remains in working order today). These are all analog computers that take input from an operator and calculate a continuously updating "fire solution" for the task at hand. In the case of the submarine, this would mean automatically tracking the speed and direction of the submarine, and receiving from the operator a heading to a target. From this, over time, the computer would estimate where the target will be when a torpedo could reach it, and automatically program the torpedos in their tubes to these settings. Its a very difficult trigonometry problem and it used to be done by hand by the capitain and his XO in the course of the attack.

Ben Clymer of MIT has written a paper on the history, significance, and contributors to this field. Although its day has passed, I promise you this is worth knowing something about. It was really very important in its day.

The paper by Ben Clymer is at

The manual for the Torpedo Data Computer is at:







Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Graphic Films and the 1964 New York World's Fair



I believe that the peak of American civilization was at the 1964 New York World's Fair, and that sadly  it has all been downhill from there.  The reason for this is that, plausibly, that was about the last time American's could believe such things as (a) technology was unambiguously good and in the service of mankind and (b) that America was on the side of right in all that they did in the world.  Our strength was as the strength of ten because our heart was pure.

But whether or not that is true, I am doing research on the films associated with the fair and the production companies that made these films, in particular Graphic Films of Los Angeles.   Graphic Films was in its day one of the central nodes of the graph.  A place that anyone who was interested in that kind of filmmaking tended to end up.  Robert Abel and Associates was such a place a decade or so later.   Alumni of Graphic Films include Con Pederson, Douglas Trumbull and Robert Abel, and I am sure that there are many others.

I am mentioning this on the chance that someone who reads this blog knows something about these topics, and possibly has access to materials associated with them.  Or just knows something about the history.

If you do, please contact me so I can ask you questions.

Here are some images and a link to a brochure about the underground family home, one of the attractions of the NY World's Fair.  I am pretty sure that when the Fair was over that this attraction was covered up, and that the family is still down there, waiting.




 http://nywf64.com/undrghome03.shtml


Saturday, August 11, 2012

The Container Garden in Hell and its Impact on Social Networking


You may ignore this post if you are interested in the larger topics of this blog. This post is in the "trivial issues of my pathetic so-called life" topic. It does have a social networking spin though, that I at least find interesting.

I maintain a garden here in Hell. I live in Escondido, Ca, which was originally known as Rancho Rincon del Diablo (or the Devil's Place, e.g. Hell). No one knows how it got that name but I suspect that they do know, they are just not saying. I am here for a variety of reasons, but the most important one is that it saves money. Its nice but inconvenient for anything I need to do other than sit and type, and I am very lonely down here.

I have a patio, so I started a container garden because I thought it would get me outside more, be economical, possibly improve the quality of my life (e.g. fresh herbs) and because I thought it would be fun. Well it is fun, it is also expensive, and educational.

The bottom line is this. If you have to leave your garden in August and there is no one to water it (and no money to set up an automatic watering system), then in fact putting the movable part of the garden in the shade will allow it to survive for a week. Anything in the sun doesn't have a chance.  I had to leave my garden to attend SIGGRAPH 2012 and thus this experiment was performed.   

Container gardening has an interesting social networking story to tell, I think. There are a lot of gardening forums out there and there is a lot of useful information. There is also a tremendous amount of crap. Anything you read about gardening on the Internet, you can find an authority spouting advice saying the exact opposite. Frankly, its a little pathetic. Why do people say these things, when they have not tested them, or do not know whether they work or not ? Why shouldn't they ? Its really all about their ego and the size of their virtual, umm, well, you know, "member", virtually speaking that is. I think. Maybe. But what I am describing is very real, its not at all subtle. You can read an answer to any topic, and quickly find the opposite answer somewhere, equally authoritative, without any trouble. It is probably a decent topic for a masters or PhD thesis to gather some numbers on the phenomenon. This might mean picking N topics at random. Pick M answers to the N topics. See what percentage of the answers contradict each other in either subtle or overt ways.

One more thing, if you do think about a garden, I can save you a lot of time and money. Just do a fresh herb garden, it is inexpensive, it works, it is not much trouble. Plant it serially (e.g. replant it regularly, say every 4 months) and you will have a continuous supply. We are mostly talking about fresh basil here. You might also look at some leaf lettuce, a little harder than herbs, but not much harder. Once you try to scale up from there, e.g. tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, beans, then the space, time and work required goes up significantly. And if you are like me, you will be amazed at the number, variety, camouflage and cleverness of the biological enemies of your garden, just waiting, lurking, ready to pounce.

So keep it simple and move on.

Too bad about those forums, though.



Sunday, August 5, 2012

SIGGRAPH 2012 Issues for Discussion


[This is draft 1.05 of this post.  This is a work in progress and is likely to change.  You might note the version number of the version you read if you have a comment or wish to discuss the points within.]

Today is the first day of the ACM SIGGRAPH 2012 National Conference.

Keep in mind as you read this post, that I am being a little deliberately provocative.  I look at the program and do not see any of the issues that dominate my life or the life of many of my peers. These issues are apparently  not even acknowledged to exist, let alone addressed.  More discussion is called for, I think.

I have never found that being outspoken on controversial issues does the individual who speaks out any good whatsoever.  It is almost always a negative thing for his or her career, or so it seems from my perspective and experiences.  Nevertheless it is hard to participate in a field that does not think that some of the issues below are important and I wanted to bring them to your attention.

Although a pale shadow of its former importance, ACM SIGGRAPH is still the leading conference of its type in this country and maybe the world.  But computer animation and visualization is no longer a brand new technology looking to prove it can be useful in the world.  Not only is it part of some very large industries, but it has the maturity to be able to say that it has had several major economic booms and busts behind it, not to mention mergers and acquisitions, and is the target of large scale government subsidies by non -US countries in order to affect trade and employment, outsourcing and offshoring, to the detriment of the computer animation industry in this country (at least in terms of employment and the financial well being of people who live here).

It is not clear to me what the role of the entertainment industry in this field is or should be.   Is entertainment and media production (e.g. movies, television, internet production, games, etc) the driving force and the primary participants of this conference, even over education and academia ?  One argument that entertainment / media is the leading participant comes from the evidence of the location of SIGGRAPH.  It is said that when they hold SIGGRAPH outside of Southern California it loses money.   On the other hand, one might wonder if even that equation will still hold true, even if entertainment has become the driving force, as so much of the field has left for offshore.

ACM SIGGRAPH is very expensive compared to conferences in other academic fields.   Or maybe it is just expensive relative to the other fields I am interested in (e.g. the American Institute of Archaeology and the American Philology Association meet each year and the cost of the full technical program is about $200.  Of course, infrastructure support for an Archaeology conference is mostly a few overhead and slide projectors, I think.)

This hastily written post, however sincerely written, can not be comprehensive and present these complicated issues in a fair and balanced manner.  Although I would very much like to do that, it may be beyond my skills and available resources to do so.

Hopefully, it can inspire discussion and not blow up in my face too badly.

Some specific notes, obviously some are much less important than others.

1. Does or should  SIGGRAPH serve as a professional society, in some sense of the word ?  Should we be discussing unemployment, "oversupply" by schools of people in the field?  Should we be discussing the impact of subsidies and other government policies (mostly non-US governments) and its huge impact on employment of people in this field?   With the latter issue, I may have also included an issue that might be more properly addressed by a "trade organization" rather than a professional society.  Maybe.

2. SIGGRAPH implicitly encourages people to go into this field, the glamourous and exciting field of computer animation.   It does so by having all these panels and courses from the motion picture industry and all the rah rah rah related activities over the years.  But many of the production and technology people who have worked in this industry are unemployed today.  Those that are employed will only be working for a brief period before they are unemployed again.  Many employed do not have nor do they have any prospect of getting such things as health insurance.  The point is, what is the moral position of SIGGRAPH in encouraging people to go into this field.   Now a personal note.  I got into this field early after attending SIGGRAPH 1980 in Seattle.  When I did so, I had no idea that computer graphics was such a small niche inside the larger field of computing.  But it is.  By choosing this specialization I was also very likely choosing unemployment as people look at specializations very seriously when hiring people, something I did not realize at the time.   What is our moral position of encouraging young people to specialize in this field without warning them that it may cause them to be unemployed later ?   Archaeology which has none of the glamourous aspects of our field, also makes it very clear that there is little or no employment in that field.  Anyone who studies to be a writer, or say a standup comic, is well aware of the economic implications and makes a conscious choice.  But I assure you that the art schools and SIGGRAPH do not give this impression to the potential new person.  Thus I propose that SIGGRAPH is in a compromised ethical position by failing to do so.

3. Where does SIGGRAPH stand on the issue of ageism?  Well, they are against it I am sure.  But consider,   ageism is rampant in computer animation and the game industries.    If that is news to you, then you haven't been looking very hard.  Of course ageism is present  in many if not most areas of our society, but even so, ageism may be extreme in the technology and media industries.   My perspective on this is that by not addressing the issue openly, and sponsoring such well-intended events like the job fair (which is, unfortunately, very ageist, arguably) that we are perpetuating ageism, or maybe, just not trying to do something about the specific ageism that is in our midst.   I know many people who are executives in these industries (computer animation and related digital production) who believe that ageism is just good business practice and it doesn't bother them one bit that it is illegal.  They point out that if the government was really opposed and not just paying lip service to the problem then they would make the laws even slightly enforceable which they are not.  That may be true, but I do not think that it is a valid moral position.

4. Should we have a homeless shelter for computer animation pioneers ?    I know five pioneers of computer animation who are unemployed and two of them who are on food stamps, and very close to being homeless. Now that I think of it, I know three such people.   Does SIGGRAPH care about these people?   Do the people who put on SIGGRAPH understand that this is going on?   IEEE has a conference rate for the unemployed, should ACM or SIGGRAPH have such a rate, at the very least?

5. The Computer Graphics Achievement Awards seem to be completely academically oriented.  All well and good, we are a part of ACM after all.  But given the multidisciplinary nature of the people who helped to create computer animation, should there also be an award to acknowledge the contributions of these non-academic people to the field?

6. Is the Electronic Theatre at all relevant or necessary?  Attending the Electronic Theatre used to be an intellectual exercise, in which the ideas behind the visuals were as important as the visuals, and understanding that was the key to understanding the film show (to use an anachronistic term).  The Electronic Theatre used to be where important new work in computer animation was first premiered.   The Electronic Theatre used to be a  place that new ideas done by individuals or small groups and tiny budgets could participate because their ideas were good.   Now it is none of those things and hasn't been so for a long, long time.  Sure its nice to have, but these events are expensive and I might like to have a more affordable price for the main technical program instead, for example.

7. This issue used to be how does one volunteer to help put on the annual conference.  I am still curious, but its a minor issue relative to the others here, so it is deleted.

8. Is Scientific Visualization and mechanical CAD/CAM still a part of SIGGRAPH?  It used to be.  If it is a part of our field today, I can not see much evidence of it on the technical program.  I am more interested in the Scientific Visualization part of this question personally, although arguably CAD/CAM is one of the most important applications enabled by computer graphics technology and a driving force behind the economic impact that computer graphics has had on our economy.  I realize these fields also have their own conferences, and it might just be that these fields have split off and are on their own.

9. What is the purpose of the Keynote Speech ?  I see rampant unemployment and people's lives being damaged because they chose to work in computer animation.   Should that be discussed now that the depression / recession is in its, how many years has it been 7 or 8 ?   I have no problem with the current keynote speaker, she is from the game industry and the game industry is certainly a part of SIGGRAPH. But there is a lot of misery in this field and it would be nice if someone was discussing it.  Maybe we should have several keynote speeches ?

I admit that many of these issues are much bigger than any of us or SIGGRAPH can address on its own.  Ageism and unemployment are not problems that we are likely to solve.  But we can acknowledge them and perhaps take an active moral position.   Maybe we are already doing so and I am out of touch.   That is certainly possible.

I understand that I have only superficially mentioned some of the issues involved.   I hope you have not been offended.  But to repeat: there is a lot of misery in this field, and I think it is reasonable that these issues should be discussed at SIGGRAPH.


Friday, August 3, 2012

Milestones of the "Budget Challenged" Cinema: De Duva (1968)


Although we can all agree that the best and most important films in the history of the cinema generally involve giant robots beating the shit out of each other, although this may vary by cultural context as I will argue in a future post, e.g. a different culture might use a synoptic variant, for example "the car chase" as a structural equivalent of the giant robot fight. Even so, we must grudingly acknowledge that there is a minor role to be played by low-budget films and the occasional short film, which may not contain the otherwise all-critical fight between giant robots and at least $10-20 million in gratuitous visual effects.

I wish to showcase such a film here: the 1968 film De Duva by Coe and Lover.

In this short film, shot in grainy black & white, told entirely as a flashback, the protagonist is being driven to give a lecture at a university and being in the twilight of his life he decides spontaneously to visit his childhood home, which is on the way to the University.  There, in the outhouse, he remembers a time in his childhood when he and his sister, Inge, were visited by a cloaked figure who has come to take Inge away.  This figure is of course Death.  Our protagonist challenges Death to a game of badminton for the life of Inge, if he wins Inge may live, but if he loses, Death will take both of them.   In a transcendent moment, he wins the game against Death through the intervention of nature in the form of a bird who drops birdshit on Death at a critical moment, causing Death to miss his shot.  The play on the bird causing Death to miss the "birdie" is just one aspect of this many layered and important film.   The characters speak in an original faux-swedish dialect with English subtitles, for example the pen used to sign the contract with Death is memorably spoken as "phallic-symbol-ska?" with the subtitle "Pen ?"

The film was regularly shown as a short feature along with genuine Ingmar Bergman films in what were known as repertory theatres, usually near college campuses.  Many in the audience would, supposedly, think this was a real Bergman short until several minutes into the film when the bad, fake Swedish with inappropriate subtitles was too blatant to ignore.

The film was nominated for an Academy Award in 1968 in the short film category.

The film does not seem to be available on the Internet, but you can read more about it here.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062906/


Breakthrough Announced in the Development of Machine Consciousness: Robotic Dance Competition



My friend Steve Speer pointed out this important development on the long road to intelligent machines which will replace humans as the dominant intelligent life form on this planet.

Although I do not believe that those of us who are alive today will see the emergence of a  truly intelligent and conscious machine, or singularity as it is sometimes called, we are likely to see important milestones on that path.    Some of those milestones will be recognized when they happen, and some will only be recognized after a passage of time has revealed their significance.

In this case, we have a milestone, perhaps even a breakthrough, in the evolution of these intelligent machines:   the Chinese have held a successful robotic dance competition in which dancing biped robots compete in pairs for the prize of best dance routine.   I think that this development will prove to be a surprise to most of the scientists and countries working in this field.   I am sure that they will be eager to repeat the experiment, and possibly to develop even more sophisticated and compelling robotic dance competitors.




See the video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s49FST2Izc&feature=colike

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Admin Notes on Writing This Blog 08/02/2012


This blog will have an occasional "note to myself" about writing the blog every once in a while.  The idea is to document thoughts about where this is going so I can review what I thought I was doing when it is all done, if it is ever done.

We plan for the blog to cover about 10-20 major topics, and at least another 20 or so minor topics, as well as a few posts that are not on one of the larger or smaller themes.

With 40 posts currently in place, I estimate that it will take at least 500 posts to develop the arguments and to develop any depth.   At the rate of 30 posts a month, this would take about 18 months to do.

So far posts are of two general types: simple and involved.  Simple have one idea or one joke and straightforward commentary.  This takes about an hour to do.  Involved, as the name suggests, requires one to write an essay and explain something.  These may take much longer to get into a publishable form, 4 hours is not untypical and more is possible.

I have found it a useful methodology to get the post in nearly final form, publish, and then revise.  This avoids a lot of problems I have had with formatting issues in the blog editor.  The revision process takes place over the next few hours or possibly the next day after the post is published.  Most of the revisions are fixing spelling and minor grammatical errors.

I have found the implicit deadline of needing to publish something every day a useful technique for forcing me to get my thoughts organized on a topic.

For every post that is published, there is generally at least one other post that I am having difficulty with, and which has been shelved until later.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Accidental Haiku


Rodney King passed away on June 17, 2012. Most people know the first part of the story, only some people know the second part. Rodney was the accidental spark of the Los Angeles Riots that began after the police officers who were photographed beating him were acquited. The second part of the story is one that is well known to some of the people in Los Angeles although many other people in Los Angeles deny that the situation is real.

That story is that the Los Angeles Police have a long history of illegal violence against blacks in this city, which has always been condoned and covered up. So much so, that there was a joke that they could catch a black man being beaten by police on video, put that video on television, and still nothing would be done to stop the violence. When that exact thing happened, a beating was captured on video, and the police were of course released, that is when the riots began.

A Haiku is a form of formal japanese poetry that various Westerners love to write and read, and which really can not be translated into English, even though we pretend not to know that. There are a variety of formal structures, but the major ones are three line poems with 5, 7 and 5 syllables for each line. But there are variations on this theme, including the variation used below of 7, 9, 5 syllables. There are many other characteristics of a Haiku, again with variations, which include such things as a single syllable at the end of one of the three lines which is what is called "a cutting word", it may divide the Haiku into two distinct emotions, or it may give the Haiku a distinguished ending.

The biggest problem about writing a Haiku in English, and why it really doesn't work, is because in Japanese a syllable generally has less information than in English. So 17 (or 21) syllables can express one set of idea or ideas in Japanese, but a different set in English.

The following was written by accident in four emails with a friend, Bob Lambert, when he was Sr. VP of New Technology at Disney. When the email exchange was over, I happened to notice that it fit the 7 - 9 - 5 structure, and I think it works pretty well as a Haiku so here it is.

          Can't we all just get along?
          Where is that Rodney fellow these days?
          In jail, I think. Oh.


Deleted Toon Funeral & Police Beating Sequences From Roger Rabbit

[I apologize for the small type below, but I am having problems with formatting on blogspot, and when I enlarge the font all the other formatting goes to hell.  If you have trouble reading this, most browsers allow you to hit <control> + and that usually enlarges the type]

The following is a deleted sequence from the third draft of the script for Roger Rabbit. These sequences were filmed and animated and are available on the 15th Anniversary edition of the DVD. They were cut from the movie because it was running too long and because there are a number of very dark elements in here.

Two in particular stand out. Valiant, our hero, the detective, is dragged to the police station in Toontown by the Weasels and worked over before being released. The second is that they paint a pig head on him which makes him look half man, half toon. Then when he tries to take a Red Car home, he is made to sit in the back of the car, which I think helps to make clear the position of Toons in Los Angeles in this fictional world.   


EXT. FOREST LAWN CEMETERY - RED CAR STOP - DAY
A Red Car pulls up. Valiant climbs off. He calmly crosses the street and ducks behind the cemetery entranceway as Maroon's Packard ROARS through.
VALIANT:(impressed) Love that Red Car.
As Valiant starts to walk up the hill ... CUT TO:
THE ACME FUNERAL SITE - LONG SHOT - DAY
A hearse, and a line of black limos are parked in the lane. Nearby, Marvin Acne's funeral is inprogress. Clustered around a gravesite are the mourners ... TOONS of every stripe. There's MICKEY MOUSE comforting MINNIE. TOM AND JERRY. HECKLE AND JECKLE. CHIP 'N DALE. Everyone from the famous to the not-so-famous is in attendance. The eulogy is being delivered in a familiar blustery Southern VOICE. It's FOGHORN LEGHORN.
FOGHORN LEGHORN:Today we commit the body of brother Acme to the cold, I say cold, cold ground. We shed no tears for we know that Marvin is going to a better place. That high, high, I say that high-larious place up in the sky.
Foghorn Leghorn dramatically points skyward.
TOONS:
(in unison) A-men!
NEW ANGLE - VALIANT
is leaning up against a palm tree on the hill. We have been watching the proceedings from his POV. Now he sees Maroon's car pull up. He moves around to the other side of the tree as Maroon passes and starts wending his way through the crowd.
Foghorn Leghorn nods to the funeral DIRECTOR, a pasty-faced human in a black mourning coat. The Director starts to turn the crank lowering the coffin into the grave.
FOGHORN LEGHORN:
Give us a sign, brother Herman, that you've arrived ...
Much to the funeral Director's amazement, the crank starts PLINKING out the tune to "POP GOES THE WEASEL". Now the Toon mourners pick up on it and join in.
TOONS: (singing)
Round and round the mulberry bush,
The monkey chased the weasel ...
The crank and SONG start going FASTER AND FASTER.
TOONS: (continuing: singing)
The monkey said it was all in fun POP!
Goes the weasel.
Suddenly half of the lid to Acme's coffin flies open and a harlequin CLOWN BOI-YOI-YOINGS out. The funeral Director faints dead away as the Toon SOBS turn to LAUGHTER. The Toons turn and head away from the grave comforted by a funeral befitting a gag king. They climb into their cars and SCREECH off like the start of the Indy 500.
One mourner is left at the gravesite. Sitting in a chair dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief is Jessica Rabbit. Maroon walks up behind her.
MAROON:
So ... Trying to pull a fast one on me, huh?

Jessica turns, startled. She stands and faces Maroon.
VALIANT
smiles and leans in. This is the moment he's been waiting for. Now just as the conversation begins, it is drowned out by the NOISE from a LAWN MOWER. Valiant turns to see a GARDENER riding around on a small tractor cutting the grass. Valiant tries to flag him down as he watches Maroon and Jessica having an argument. There's accusatory finger pointing. In pantomime. Maroon gestures into his pocket as if describing the position of Acme's will.
Jessica tries to leave. He grabs her arm. They're screaming at each other but we don't hear a word. Valiant waves frantically for the Gardener to cut the machine. But the Gardener misconstrues it as a friendly greeting and waves back. Valiant turns in time to see Jessica kick Maroon in the groin and stomp off to a red Auburn Speedster. She jumps in and speeds away as Maroon staggers back to his car. The Gardener stops the tractor next to Valiant. He SHUTS OFF THE ENGINE. The cemetery is completely still again.

GARDENER:
Somethin' you want, mister?
VALIANT:
Not anymore ...
EXT. INK & PAINT CLUB - ALLEY - NIGHT
A Steinway piano truck is parked next to the stage door. TWO husky PIANO HOVERS are rolling a baby grand up the ramp to the stage door. They knock on the door. The Gorilla opens it and they muscle the piano inside. After a moment, they reemerge. We FOLLOW them back to the truck where a second baby grand stands ready to be moved.
MOVER #1:
I don't know about you, but it makes me sick to think of these beautiful pianos gettin' chopped into match sticks every night by those screwy ducks.

Struggling, they push this second piano into the club.
INT. CLUB - BACKSTAGE
They roll the piano over to the wall and park it next to the first.
MOVER #2: (shakes head)
And they call it entertainment.
As they go out the stage door, MOVE IN on the baby grand.
INSIDE THE PIANO - VALIANT
is lying prone -- using the Steinway as his own Trojan Horse. He lifts the piano lid to climb out. but then HEARS FOOTSTEPS approaching. He lowers the lid again. Now someone starts testing the keys. We see the hammers strike the strings, RUNNING UP THE SCALES until they reach the one under Valiant's nose. The hammer whacks Valiant's nose on the backswing and strikes the string making a terrible SOUR NOTE.
DONALD DUCK (V.0.) (exasperated QUACK)
Phooey! Out of tune again!

DAFFY DUCK (V.0.)
Not to worry, Donald. We can fix that with my sledgehammer.
DONALD DUCK (V.O.)
Never mind. Daffy. I've got an axe in my dressing room.
Valiant's eyes widen.
ANGLE ON PIANO
as the VOICES of Daffy and Donald recede. Valiant raises the lid and quickly climbs out. He eases over to Jessica's dressing roon. As he starts to open the door, he HEARS SCUFFLING from inside. Valiant puts his ear to the door. More SCUFFLING. Valiant straightens, then suddenly whips the door open and flicks on the light.
INT. DRESSING ROOM
Nobody's there. Perplexed, Valiant closes the door behind him and checks behind the dressing screen. In the closet. No one. He shrugs and starts to search the room. He goes to Jessica's dressing table and rifles the drawers. In her purse he discovers a Toon revolver. He examines it.
VALIANT:
Girl's gotta protect herself.
Valiant puts the gun back in the purse and closes the drawer. As he stands, he pauses to consider a Hurrel-like black-and-white photo of Roger Rabbit in a silver deco frame. He's dramatically posed with a cigarette like he was Tyrone Power. Valiant shakes his head and turns from the table. Something catches his eye.
ANGLE ON FLOOR
Behind the dressing table, the corner of a piece of blue paper peeks out. Valiant stoops down and fishes it out. lt's a cover for a legal document. "Last Will and Testament -- Marvin Acme."
VALIANT
stands, pleased. He opens the blue folder. But it's empty, Valiant puts it in his inside pocket and turns to go when suddenly an unseen hand flicks the lights off.

VALIANT:
Son of a ***...
We can't see anything in the darkness. But we hear the SOUND of A FISTFIGHT. There's the CRASHING of lamps and furniture breaking. Now the door opens for a second as the assailant escapes. Light floods in the room, illuminating Valiant on the floor with a curtain wrapped around his head. As he struggles free the door closes. The room is dark again. Valiant scrambles to the door. When he whips it open, REVEAL the Gorilla framed in the doorway. Valiant is frozen. The gorilla flicks on the light. He smiles wickedly.
GORILLA:
And here I tought we had mice.
Valiant tries to make a break for it. WHAM! The Gorilla lays him out cold with a right cross.
BLACKOUT.
FADE IN: VALIANT'S POV FROM FLOOR
As his vision comes INTO FOCUS, Valiant sees the Gorilla, Jessica Rabbit, the Weasel's and Judge Doom are standing over him.
GORILLA:
... I caught him rummagin' around in here. Then I called you, Judge, on a counta you be da one we pay juice to.
DOOM: (clears throat)
You did the right thing, Bongo.
THE WEASELS
pull a groggy Valiant upright and plop him in a chair in front of Doom.
DOOM:
Being caught breaking and entering is not very good advertising for a detective. What were you looking for, Mr. Valiant?
VALIANT:
Ask her...
Valiant nods toward Jessica, who stands coolly smoking a cigarette.
JESSICA RABBIT:
Last week some heavy breather wanted one of my nylons as a souvenir. Maybe that's what he was after.
VALIANT:
Look, doll, if I wanted underwear, I woulda broken into Frederick's of Hollywood. I was lookin' for Marvin Acme's will.
DOOM:
Marvin Acme had no will. I should know, the probate is in my court.
VALIANT:
He had a will, all right. She took it off Acme the night she and R.K. Maroon knocked him off. Then she set up her loving husband to take the fall.

JESSICA RABBIT:
You, Mr. Valiant, are either drunk or punch drunk. Probably both.

DOOM:These are bold accusations, Mr. Valiant. I hope you have some proof?

VALIANT:
I found the cover the will came in behind the dressing table.
Valiant reaches into his pocket. But the blue envelope is gone.
VALIANT: (continuing)
They must've taken it off me

DOOM:
They?

VALIANT:
The other people who were in here lookin' for the will. I woulda caught 'em if Cheetah here hadn't interrupted me.
The Gorilla makes a move for Valiant. Doom stops him.
DOOM:
Take it easy, Bongo. We'll handle Mr. Valiant our own way ... downtown.
VALIANT:
Downtown? Fine. Get ahold of Santino, I'd be more than glad to talk to him.

DOOM:
Oh, not that downtown. Toontown.
The mention of Toontown has a visible impact on Valiant.
VALIANT: (nervous)
You're not takin' me to downtown Toontown?
DOOM:
Indeed we are. We'll continue the interrogation there.
VALIANT: (very agitated)
I ain't tellin' you nothin'! Get me Santino.

DOOM:
You're a very stubborn man, Mr. Valiant. Very pig-headed. Boys. show Mr. Valiant how we handle pig-headed men at the Toontown station ...
The Weasels drag Valiant out of the room ...
VALIANT: (screaming)
No... you bastards! Leggo of me!
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
The Toon Control Wagon streaks along with the cat SIREN WAILING. It flashes by then slams on the brakes at the entrance to an eerie tunnel. A sign next to the tunnel says: "Toontown".
INT. WAGON
The Weasels look over at the bound and gagged Valiant. One of them turns Valiant's head to look at the Toontown sign.
WEASEL #1:
What're you shakin' for? Didn't you have a good time last time you were here?
With a wicked WHEEZE, the driver floors it.
EXT. TUNNEL
The wagon disappears into the murky darkness. PAN UP to the night sky.
DISSOLVE TO:
THE SKY - MORNING
PAN DOWN to the Tunnel. We can't see into the darkness but we HEAR HOOTING and HOLLERING from within, GUNS going off, FIRECRACKERS EXPLODING, WHIPS CRACKING, all accompanied by the WHEEZING LAUGHTER of the Weasels.
WEASEL #1: (0.S.)
Soo-eey! Soo-eey!

WEASEL #2: (O.S.)
Let him go, boys. I think he's got the message.
After a beat, Valiant comes staggering out of the tunnel. He's got a burlap sack over his head tied around his waist. Behind him, the Weasels emerge holding paint cans and brushes. They watch as he trips and falls by the side of the road. The Weasels GIGGLE victoriously and head back inside.
Valiant lies there for a moment, catching his breath. Then he struggles to free his hands. Finally he rips the sack off his head and sits up.

Copyright !988 Touchstone Pictures / Amblin Productions
CLOSE - VALIANT
We see he's got a huge Toon pig with a goofy grin painted over his head. Valiant pulls and tugs on it, but this is a costume that won't come off. Valiant curses, gets to his feet and stumbles down the road.
EXT. RED CAR STOP
Valiant gets in the back of the line of PASSENGERS boarding the Red Car.
INT. RED CAR - VALIANT
steps aboard. The Trolleynan, who we recognize as Earl from the Terminal Bar, does a double-take when he sees the ridiculously silly looking man/Toon.
EARL:
Here's one for the books ... a Toon wearin' human clothes.
VALIANT:
Earl ... it's me, Valiant.
EARL:
Eddie? Jesus, what happened?
VALIANT:
Toon cops worked me over.

EARL:
Boy, I'll say. They gave you a real Toon-a-roo.
VALIANT: (apprehensively)
What am I, Earl?
Earl breaks the news to Valiant soberly.
EARL:
You're a pig... a happy-go-lucky pig.

VALIANT:

No ...

EARL:
Does it hurt?

VALIANT:
Not much. lt's hard to talk.

EARL:
Uh, Eddie, do me a favor. Could you sit in the back so you won't cause as much of a commotion.
Valiant tries to pull the brim of his hat down. But it's comically small on the huge head. He makes his way down the aisle past a veritable gauntlet of RAZZING, poking, tripping PASSENGERS. Finally he finds an empty seat in the back as the Red Car starts up,
A LITTLE KID
wearing a baseball cap is sitting a few seats away with his MOTHER. The Kid looks back at Eddie and laughs. He leans over and whispers something to his Mom.
KID:
Can I, Mom?
MOM:
Go ahead, darling.Take your bat.
The Kid takes his baseball bat and approaches Valiant innocently.
KID:
Hi, Mr. Pig. If I hit you on the head, will you make me a cuckoo bird?
The Kid starts to take a swing with the bat.
VALIANT:
Kid, if you hit me on the head. I'm gonna throw you out this window.
The Kid's eyes widen in terror. This is not a typical Toon response.
KID: (crying)
Mommy!
INT. VALIANT'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY
We hear the SOUND of the SHOWER. Valiant's hand reaches out past the shower curtain and grabs for a bottle. But it's not shampoo. It's turpentine.
VALIANT:
Damnit!
CLOSE - TUB DRAlN
The water swirling down the drain is tinged with paint of different colors.
CLOSE - VALIANT
He scrubs manically until the last of the pig head is gone. He rinses off and he feels around his face. The absence of the Toon mask seems to bring him some relief. He shuts off the shower and slides the shower curtain back.
VALIANT'S POV - JESSICA RABBIT
is leaning up against the door jam, dressed as usual, in a black cocktail dress with elbow length gloves and pearls.
JESSICA RABBIT:
Hello, Mr. Valiant. I rang the doorbell, but I guess you couldn't hear it.
VALIANT:
That's because I don't have a doorbell.
Jessica, caught in her lie, flutters her eyelids nervously.
JESSICA RABBIT:
Oh... well, I ... I just had to see you ...
VALIANT:
Okay, you've seen me. Now give me a towel.
As she hands him a towel, she stares down at his anatomy.
JESSICA RABBIT:
What's that thing?
Valiant looks down at what she's referring to.
VALIANT:
Come on, lady, haven't you ever seen a mole before?

JESSICA RABBIT:
Toons aren't given imperfections.

VALIANT:
No? I guess we're not counting lying, stealing and murder.