So I feel like shit

because the fucking medical community wont give me anything for panic attacks, I have to suffer and be fucking miserable and maybe just kill mjyself fuck you fuck all of you

I hate the medical community in thiis country

HL Notes for Cleanup

On a dreary day I started my usual bs of oversharing and HL told me she wanted to hear none of it.  May be I should go to a synagogue, she suggested.  I think I will ask her if she has ever been to a synagogue, and, if not why she should suggest it.

LW notes for Cleanup

Its all part of tidying up the messy life.  I once asked LW to help me find a job and he laughed at me and told me I was pretty much worthless.  A lifetime of friendship and this is what you get.  Oh dear.  Well he is dead now and he suffered and I had nothing to do with that.

Cleanup is that part of the work where we discuss some individuals and how they acted.

Almost Done With Kaiser

I had heard mixed things about Kaiser and I can tell you they are all true.  Not the slightest compassion, or humanity.  Good vaccine coverage.  In the absence of anything else, probably a good choice. Met good people at the lower levels who really tried.  But the doctors themselves, those in charge, did not help.  Stay away.

But the reality is if you're on Kaiser you don't have insurance anywhere else which I needed today I could have died no one would have cared least of all Kaiser. At

Corrupt & Stupid Healthcare

By law, the stupid healthcare systems  ask the patient if they feel safe.  But how can anyone feel safe with the rapist pig as president?  What are they even thinking by asking this question.  How stupid, how bureaucratic, how useless.

No of course I dont feel safe.

The iPhone and the Doggy

My girlfriend is playing with her dog.  Suddenly the iPhone wakes up and starts chatting with her about how great it is to have a "furry friend" and giving helpful advice.  Is this our future?  Your appliances spying on you 24 hours a day and sending reports to local law enforcement.  Officer!  I heard Jill playing with her dog!  

What a nightmare this world of AI will be.

Into the Gutter

I can not afford to come to one of my favorite persons farewell party

I am not a good friend therefore, 

I am weak and poor

I never had the chance to do some sort of show for the dome with carter

whether orion or any other mythological creature or astronomical structure

I live in a degraded environment with dirt and filth in the air 

and degraded humans outside slaves to late stage predatory capitalism 

as we all are

what can I do to make this better

in a failed authoritarian america?

The Original Antifa Logo

For those of you who do not already know it, while there is no Antifa in this country there is, or was, one in Germany after World War 2.  Here is, what may be, their original logo.

Yay My Blog Got Censored

I was so happy to hear that the Nazis at Blogger/Blogspot censored this blog and deleted a post.  Ha ha, the joke is on them, I was going to pull it anyway.  What a bunch of losers!  Would you trust your entire body of work for 15 years to these idiots?  I dont recommend it.

Advice for Dealing with Doctors

The following guidelines are compiled from 30+ years of wrestling with the medical profession.  Some of what is suggested here may result in a better medical outcome but in general the following, if it has any value, it is because it may lower your frustration level and maybe help you avoid some pitfalls.

1. No matter how good and reliable the system that you have set up may be, it will eventually self destruct.  You may wish to plan for this in advance.

2. As part of above, doctors do not last forever.  They wear out, retire, get weird, or other.

3. You may potentially extend the service life of your doctor(s) by minimizing what you tell your doctor.  The worst thing you can do is to honestly explain what is going on, it is likely to freak them out and cause them to "get clever" and make your life worse.

4.  If you tell them too much, they will just use that information against you.  Do not give them that opportunity.

5. Although the doctor(s) think they are in charge, in fact you are the one making decisions here.  Just like a lawyer ultimately it is your responsibility, not theirs.  

6. The best advice anyone can give you is to have a lot of money.  The health system can be made to function somewhat without money, or with less money, but it is much harder.

7. At any time, the doctor upon whom you rely may choose to make your life miserable and, for example, make it impossible for you to work.  Do not think that they give a hoot, they do not.

Good luck!

(insert notes about different doctor cultures)