With
hive collapse syndrome threatening world civilization by dying before
their residents, the bees, can serve their primary economic purpose
for mankind, which is to pollinate agricultural crops in our great
country, scientists have looked high and low to find the cause and
help prevent economic disaster which would of course affect the
earnings of the shareholders, a fate all good Americans, whether man or bee, can agree
must be avoided. The bees can goddamn well die as far as we are
concerned as long as they pollinate beforehand.
Now
science has proven that the alleged cause of the threat to the
shareholder's earnings is not, as the tree huggers have said without
a shred of proof, caused by harmless and helpful pesticides which
are only working to improve shareholder value, not damage it. No the real cause of hive collapse syndrome is not the innocent and beneficial pesticides, but lies within the bees themselves.
This lazy bee can barely stand up she is so drunk on nicotine, nectar and pollen.
In
an important new article published in Nature, science has proven that
the real cause of hive collapse sysndrome is the bee's moral turpitude
and lack of anglo-saxon work ethic. Instead of steadfastly pollinating like they should, they
get hooked on nicotine-related substances and abandon their economic
purpose and spend all day just lazing around and smoking, or in this
case, sipping, nicotine. Its not the pesticides per se that are
causing the bees to become slackers and suck nicotine until they fall
over dead. It is their own lack of moral willpower.
One
more time American industry has been vindicated. The bees need to go
to church more often and teach their children the benefits of
moderation and hard work and this problem is solved.
An
article about this in The Guardian
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