But sometimes an innocent cartoon figure is accused of villainry that we would otherwise only expect from a public servant. Such is the case with the esteemed marketeer of sugary breakfast foods, Cap'n Crunch, whose character and background is being slandered by self-appointed guardians of public decency.
WASHINGTON – A new scandal is consuming the U.S. Navy and one of the world’s most venerated captains: Cap’n Crunch.
“All hearsay and misunderstandings!,” @realcapncrunch wrote.”I captain the S.S. Guppy with my crew – which makes an official Cap’n in any book!” And: “Of course I’m a Cap’n!” he wrote to anguished supporters searching for answers. “It’s the Crunch – not the clothes – that make a man. #PaidMyDues”
It remains unclear if Crunch Island is part of the United States.
“The Cap’n doing hard time? Gasp,” she said.