Status Report October 10, 2019

draft

Things are evolving on a political and a personal level. Theoretically I am making steady progress at unpeeling the onion, even if that onion has surprises. For example, my physical health has been checked out in a variety of quantitative ways and, oddly, there does not seem to be anything wrong. When it comes to my dental situation, however, that is far worse than expected. Well, the wages of sin is death, I have heard, and the chickens come home to roost. Nevertheless I have a good local clinic and once some difficult choices are made I will have the opportunity (and can afford) a year of dental work. These teeth only have to last another 20 or so years, I figure. That seems doable to me.

Emotionally, and in the long term, I proceed, but self doubts emerge and then are suppressed. I am trying to be very practical, and I am being so, I hope, and show regular progress. But will this really result in what I really want: vindication, showing them they were wrong, world fame, my MacArthur award, no, of course it wont. And that does make me a little crazy. I want to be practical and yet this all feels quixotic. I am thinking of elaborating my goals: one non fiction book, one play, one PhD, etc, who knows.

The problems with the political situation(s) are many, even if things are evolving in a somewhat predictable fashion. I have lost many friends over the following: I think I see where big chunks of this are going and the critical events have already happened and there is very little hope. It doesnt matter whether Trump is impeached, although that would be nice. He should go to jail although of course he wont. There has been severe damage, it has been coming for a while, but its much worse now. Fixing that damage will not be possible in many cases, and too late in others, etc. The dead people will stay dead. The right wing nutty boy judiciary will not be fixed. The future elections will be rigged with that judiciary. The electoral college, always a doubtful compromise, has become a disaster and it will not be fixed. The bullshit of predatory capitalism and wealth inequality has been exposed but nothing will change. The money will not be refunded to the government. We have betrayed some of our best allies, and no one should trust us again if they ever did.

Maybe a degree from the London School of Economics. Maybe a little cottage in some Commonwealth Country and then I die?

Maybe.

And yes, I am angry because I think that there was a better America in us, and that if we had worked together this did not have to happen. I think we have thrown a historic moment away and we will be judged for it, and that judgement will be harsh and completely deserved.

I think we fucked it up.

Thank you for listening.