Knowing When to Retreat

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In the battle for public opinion, controlling the message is everything.

The issue of memorializing the Confederacy, an issue which is fraught with problems, was lost the moment the alt-right, the neo-Nazis and the KKK attached themselves to the process.

Whether or not these memorials are and must be to celebrate racism is no longer relevant. They are seen that way by too many people.

The fact is that racism persists in this country, just about everywhere. Its pernicious, its real, it penetrates our country in subtle and overt ways. Until that issue is dealt with, and I doubt it will be anytime soon, then the Confderacy becomes the great symbol of the struggle against racism unfinished.

The cause of commemorating those who fought and died to defend their home against invasion is not tenable at this time. Lets put these monuments and source materials in archive, underground, or in a warehouse somewhere, with museum-quality care. One day we will pull them out and have an exhibit.

But not for a long time.

Value of a Psychiatrist in our Late Capitalist Society

A friend, who is aware of the stress I am going through, suggested I go see a psychiatrist he knows down here. The good news is that my friend wants to help. The bad news are the details, so lets go through it.

I think my friend knows all this, by the way.

The short version is to skip to item 10.

1. The doctor he recommends is an adult psychopharmacologist, I already have a psychopharmacologist. About six months ago, I was thinking of changing, but now I plan to stick with the one I have until I leave the area at the end of the year. (This particular recommended psychopharmacologist is also semi-retired and expensive).

2. Psychopharmacologists are good for one thing, prescribing drugs, period. My psychopharmacologist already prescribes the maximum of the drugs I intend to take. (Note: I would take more if I could, but I cant, so I have to deal with that).

3. There is a more general kind of shrink called “a therapist”. Some of them can prescribe drugs, some dont. In my experience, they are useful for one thing: the rent-a-pal phenomenon. When you talk to a shrink once a week, you tend to lean less on your friends for moral support. This is valuable! But time consuming and expensive.

4. Doctors cost money. I dont have the money to spare.

5. The money could be spent on many other things, like travelling to Sf to see an ex girl friend. That might cheer me up more than any doctor.

6. The problems I deal with at this time of life comes from trauma experienced in my 30s and afterwards. That trauma results in anxiety attacks today when I am not in control of where I live or how I am going to afford to live.

7. Therefore, if you want to help, and my friends do want to help, you should listen and say something cheerful, or (this is much more difficult....) you should help me find a job, or arrange for a place for me to live, or give me money or introduce me to someone who can. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done, especially in today's world.

8. We live in a corrupt, late-capitalist society. Money is necessary to solve problems. Shrinks are a tool which used judiciously, can be helpful. But, like lawyers, they are not a panacea and they run on money. At the end of the day, money may not buy happiness, but money, or a steady job, or both, will buy stability and some satisfaction. This is not the only path but it is a good one and very straightforward.

9. I recognize that most people can not provide this help for their friends, or when they do, only in very limited amounts. I have sampling error here. There was a time when I could give people jobs, two different times in fact, but those times are past for me and may have never existed for my friends. Your good wishes and thoughts are appreciated.

10. But the biggest mistake here is to think that doctors are good for anything and the patient knows nothing, even after a life time of dealing with this.

11. Send money!  Just kidding, sortof.  Thank you!

Scenario 1 for Post December (On the Road before School)

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version 1.0

I have to leave where I am living by the end of December.

The standard "tourist visa" for a European country is 3 months (needs to be verified). Moving always destroys my ability to work, and causes panic attacks. The latter can be managed, the former not so much.  If I can make the numbers work, I might look at spending three months in 4 countries, 3 months each, a total of one year.  I am a neo-luddite so I dont use craigs list very much, although it is a very useful resource, generally speaking.

This is all financed by $1450 $US / month early social security and some small savings which if used with care is intended for this purpose. For example, maybe $3,000 per country (e.g. for a 3 month period) to pick up air travel and other extraordinary expenses on top of room, board, internet, etc, which would come off Social Security

There is some hope that after that I might settle in a beautiful but abandoned part of the world like Western Mass.

I am applying for a masters degree in CS between now and December. I would apply for a PhD directly, but I dont think I have the recommendations which in my estimation are required. It would also be productive to pick up an MFA, or a Dr. of Theology, or a law degree, or even that PhD in computer science. This is all paid for by govt loans.  Which means that they would deduct from my social security, damn them, to pay the loans back.  I dont know if the US education loans would cover a European university, but if it did, that would be a possibility.

While on the road, I would continue to write my blog and try to make progress on one or both books.

As of now, the only thing that is certain is that I am staying here through the first of the year and that I am applying to graduate school.  

Thank you for listening.

Comments are welcome.

The Problem(s) With Assassinating Kim

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There is lots of discussion in the media and on the Internet about assassinating the leader of N. Korea, Kim Jong-Un.

Lets review some of the reasons why this is probably a bad idea.

First, in our modern world, assassination can be hard to do. Kim, like all good modern leaders and revolutionaries under threat, has many hardened hiding places. If he is following standard protocol, he is never sleeping in the same place for two nights running. He also never chooses where he will sleep that night until the last possible moment, and as few people as possible know. If you do decide to attack *all* his hiding places at once in an effort to kill him, you have to attack them simultaneously, because if he gets a hint of what is up, he will be on the move at once and go deep.

Second, as they say, if you attack a King, you had better kill him. If you just wound him or miss him, you are just going to piss him or her off and you are likely to be sorry. In the case of Korea, if Kim goes to war, Seoul is within conventional artillery range of some of N. Korea's artillery. He doesnt even need nuclear weapons to kill a lot of people (millions, by most guesses).  Much of this artillery is hardened against air attack, and dispersed.

Third, historically, assassination is rife with unanticipated results, so you had better have a good plan up front and plans of this type are likely to go bad. I am under the impression that the CIA coup in Iran was not necessarily intended to put the Shah into power despite what you read on the Internet. The plan was to put a military Junta into power, with maybe the Shah as a figurehead, but I could be wrong about this. For a more certain example in history, note that the assassination of Julius Caesar did not really work out for either the conspirators or the Roman Republic.

Although I certainly think that “decapitation” is a strategy that does have merit, it is not always a good idea and one has to be very good at it.

Email to Larry Schnur about my Bicycle Progress

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I find it useful to report to you (and sometimes to my blog) my progress.

About 5 days a week I go about 2 - 3 miles.

Almost but not quite street legal.

Only ride at night, on mostly deserted roads.

Wear helmet, knee pads, gloves.

Getting better at getting on my bike.

Still very unstable in terms of steering when a variety of things happen such

that I get off my bike when cars are around.

Bought a cheap scale to measure my weight.

My general impression is that I am getting better, things are improving, and this is

valuable. I am way out of breathe when I finish for the night.

At this rate it will be a year to six months before I get close to Palomar, but I am

ok with this.

Thanks for listening! (Yes its a little weird but I am totally isolated here and so it

nice to have someone to talk to).

Thanks,

MW

Notes to New Readers of Global Wahrman

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For those who are new to reading this blog a few notes are in order. Those who are regular readers already know this stuff.

First, not all posts are of equal quality, I tend to like about one in three. The others are probably worth reading, at least I certainly hope so, but probably would not be collected into a “best of globalwahrman ....”.

Second, I think I know how to write but not all of you will agree with that. Grammar Nazis especially are warned. I grew up in Virginia and at the RAND Corporation and I have a developed style. If you think I am offending the English language through my misuse of hung vs hanged feel free to tell me, but dont hold your breathe for satisfaction.

Third, I tend to be more negative than most people care for. Some of these negative posts are deleted later if I think they are too negative. But not all.

Fourth, I love comments, even if I am slow to process them. Please comment away.

Fifth, the primary goal of this blog is to be entertaining. Beyond that it is also my autobiography, my forum about the history of computer animation, my cenotaph and my forum for complaining.  I also review Esoteric Knowledge.

Sixth, I am occasionally obscene or use obscene language.

Seventh, I hope to be honest, or as honest as I can be, about my difficult life, about our difficult world, even if that doesnt always make me look good.  It is my hope that by discussing these issues that it may be of some help to others.

I hope you will read this blog, now, in the future, in the past, whenever.

I love my readers, whoever you are.

It may also be useful to read The Standard Disclaimer.

The Esoteric Truth About Stuff, Revealed

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Who is to know when the truth is revealed? The slaves have been told lies so many times, that the truth seems to them to be just another lie.

On a train from Oceanside to Los Angeles, there are the four of us. The doctor, the car dealer turned volunteer drug rehabilitation assistant, the very quiet Black man. Behind us, the electrician, the young woman who wants to be heard, the friend of the Bentley owner who wants his hat, and myself.

But really it is the three of us, the doctor, the car dealer, and me. The car dealer runs Bentley dealerships in Del Mar and Los Gatos, he owns houses in three cities. He volunteers 3 days a week at a drub rehab hospital. At one point he reveals to me the eternal truth that explains all.

"There is not enough stuff to go around", he says, sadly. "That is the problem".

The esoteric truth that lies behind our corrupt politics has been revealed to us, here, in plain English. Now you know.  Some must be rich and many poor because there is not enough stuff.

After Siggraph, Dream with Female Rescue Divers

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I had a long complicated dream that I was on a boat with female rescue divers. They practiced diving from the high board on the main deck of the ship and dived very, very deep. There was more of a practice board about half way down the hull for people like me to dive from. And of course there was very little danger because you were surrounded by rescue personnel. 

The images below are not really illustrative, but they are what I can find with Google without too much trouble.  In my dream, we were all on a ship, and I do not remember much in the way of scuba gear. Therefore you should see these images as placeholders until I can get more appropriate images, if ever.

This was the day after Siggraph.

I slept all day, it is hot here.

I tried to send a few thank you notes from my phone, while lying in bed.

I was of course very sad when the dream was over.

Negative No More Not Ever

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God only knows I would not want to be negative or come off as bitter.  So to that end, I am going to revisit the last few months of posts and attempt to recreate them into happy and pleasant.  If you read anything negative then that is before the rewrite and you should ignore it.

I mean we are all doomed anyway, why not be positive and cheerful?  What are they going to do, not hire us?