The Tragic Kingdom in 2023

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This is a report on the current status of the Disneyland Park (and to a lesser degree the Disneyland Resort) from a visit on January 25, 2023.  My partner in this adventure was Jill Fraser.  There is a lot to go over here from the lowest levels to the highest.  Jimini Crickett said to emphasize the positive but this review will have some negative as well.  Its up to you what order to read it in.  Topics will include the trivial (food at the Magic Kingdom), to the highest levels of aesthetics in theme parks, including the new Star Wars land and the dismaying decay and abandonment of Tomorrowland.

1. Timing and pricing.  We chose to go on a Wednesday when school is in session and the weather is cold(er).  For these days, Disney lowers prices for each park to $104/person but the park also closes earlier and does not have its big shows.  Everything else seems to be there.

2. The food was dreadful and expensive.  As bad as I have ever had there.  I recommend you pack some trail mix, eat like you were backpacking, rehydrate regularly and then eat something better when you get home or leave the park.

3. Perhaps the highlight of the park was, for me, three so-called cast members.  We had Xavier at the Magic Store on Main Street, some unknown people at the Penny Arcade and best of all "Mike" at one of the Adventureland emporia across from the Jungle Cruise.  Xavier demonstrated what could be done with the trimmed cards.  I asked Mike if they still had the shrunken heads you used to be able to find there.  He not only knew what I was talking about, he was able to remind me of the old Jungle Cruise exhibit/joke in which a Witch Doctor wants to trade two of his heads for one of yours.  I loved this guy and plan to look for him again the next time I am at the park.  Its the people who matter.

4. I am also happy to say that the Magic Shop and Mickey's theatre on Main Street are both there.

5. But what happened to the horse drawn carriages on Main Street?  And even if you get rid of them, you should replace them with "in period" motor driven vehicles.  Dont just drop transportation.  Not everyone wants to walk the 200 - 300 yards distance from the entrance to the castle.

6. That castle is looking a little small in context with everything else, maybe it is time to refurbish and enlarge it.

7. The new Star Wars land is spectacular.  It is very large, where did all that land come from?  The two main attractions are both amazing and I am curious to know how they pulled off some of those things.  No I could not figure out what our guides were saying most of the time, but that was OK.  

 

 

8. Genie Plus was worthwhile occassionally. But we had to pay an extra $25/person to get the "Lightning Line" feature at Rise of the Rebellion.  We felt that they were being overly greedy.

9. The food was a disaster.  Bring your own food.  Oh did I mention that before.

10.  Getting hooked up with the app was painful.  

11. Tomorrowland was a sad wreck of a land, once so filled with promise and optimism, now fallen into decay, a parody of itself.  The Carousel of Progress is a gigantic wreck in the middle of everything.  The decayed PeopleMover just has its track laid like pointless linguini on the land with the obnoxious wreck of what used to be a peoplemover terminal rusting in the middle.  One of the main attractions, the CircleVision 360 film about America is now a trivial shoot em up with several Pixar characters.  This is fun but very, very minor.  Where is the vision?  None to be seen.

Carousel of Failure

The Former People Mover

12.  The Tiki Room was as enchanted as ever and they should just keep it.  But the Jungle Cruise!? Forget about it, tear it down and do something else with it.

13. I always wanted to check if the entrances to back stage were really hidden in plain sight, and yes they were.  How amusing.

 

14. Perhaps the biggest failure is the disastrous parking system.  Really, Disneyland?  You want to make customers walk a mile or two after parking and wait for trams while trying to go to your park?  This is the best you can do?

 

15. I think it would be worthwhile to use one of these discount days to go to California Adventure.  Bring  your own food, etc. 

You Never Know Who These People Will Turn Out to Be

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Long ago and far away, I used to be able to amuse my friends by giving them tours of various glamourous and rewarding entities, facilities, and/or studios in the motion picture or related industries.  Sometimes I cant be there and so the tour happens without me.  Once I sent a relatively young colleague to REDACTED for a tour by my friend REDACTED.  He told me later that he thought it was a waste of his time for which I apologized.  Little did he know who she was or who she would be.  So recently I sent him an update.

Dear REDACTED

It's completely possible that I've told you this already and if I have I apologize for the repetition. But I find it so entertaining that I want to elaborate on it just a little bit. Remember that young woman you gave a tour to at REDACTED, and which you basically thought was kind of a waste of your time for which I apologize. In retrospect yes I see your point of view. But I can also tell you that with the exception of one or two people at the Rand corporation who move in circles of power of our great dysfunctional nightmare of a country, that person that you gave a tour to is possibly one of the more powerful people that I know in the area of international and global economics. Although of course that wasn't true then. Later, however,  REDACTED was able to attend the World Economic Forum in Davos Switzerland, that elite confab of the most evil globalists which has certainly worked very hard to destroy the American economy and the ability of American workers to get a fair wage. I adore REDACTED for who she is and I'm very proud of her. She's also been very involved in various not for profits working to help control disease in REDACTED. The one time I went to a United Nations black tie event she sighted me which is what you want, of course.  To be seen.  Of course it is the case that she's there regularly and it was just accident that I was there even once.  This was so long ago that my tuxedo still fit.  Anyway I just want you to know that I have your interests at heart and that I wouldn't send just anybody or intentionally waste your time. I have asked REDACTED to possibly introduce me or even induct me into some sort of secret society so that I can also help conspire to destroy Western democracy but she just laughed at me and said well if I told you then it wouldn't be secret anymore. Yeah yeah I know we've all heard that before. Well my life is fucking miserable I hope you're doing well.
 

Sincerely,

 

                                                                                 Klaus Schwab at Davos

Happy New Year or We May as Well be Optimistic

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Looking back at 2022 is complicated for me.  There is reason for hope, or at least the slope of the curve seems to be positive.  I dont believe that positive thinking necessarily results in a more positive outcome but at least it can make things more pleasant.

 

The problem is, or one of the problems is, that I have worked very hard to look at the world as realistically as I can and that was a bad idea.  Long ago, when the world was a different place, I was ... well ... deluded about how the world works. And because of luck and timing and a few other things, I got a lot done.  Fools may go where wise people fear to tread.  And yet it was painful and I was broke so I decided to spend some time figuring out what this "reality thing" was all about and that may have been a mistake because reality can be really unpleasant and not very charming or fun.  And I had forgotten to get a "trust fund" and that was another mistake.

 

So a middle ground is sought.  On the one hand, yes, its true we are really f*cked, and in so many ways.  And I contributed to my situation today.  The question becomes what can we do with the resources at hand, and that is problematic. So much easier to worry about institutional racism or war in europe or the bizarre beliefs of some of our fellow citizens.  These are things of great importance and also things I couldn't possibly do anything about. 

 

The world is just going to have to take care of itself while I try to make some progress on this "life" thing.